"Anyone who listens to my teachings and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won't collapse because it is built on bedrock. "
Approximately two weeks ago I made my annual migration south, with my final destination set for Hobe Sound, FL as I have for the past two winters. During my drive I had 16+ hours to reflect on the past weeks, and months, that a busy tournament schedule had brought to me. From May to the end of September I had been traveling from place to place with almost no stop, accumulating experience and oil changes along the way.
Cruising along with no issues and somewhere on the endless interstates, my radio scanning delivered me a message I wasn't prepared for. "As we watch Hurricane Matthew, we are now expecting a more westward shift than the previous week's forecast gave, the South East side of Florida will likely be hit directly." The words that came across the radio surprised me, as I had checked the forecasts of this hurricane for the prior week. They had all shown some contact with the coast line, but not enough that I was concerned to be in the area.
"I'll be fine", I thought. "I've been through countless Midwest thunderstorms and multiple tornado warnings." Besides, I needed to get down to Florida and prepare for first stage of q-school, a hurricane in its own right. If you are not aware of what q-school is, it is a series of four tournaments that qualify you for the web.com tour. In order, they are called: pre-qualifying, first stage, second stage, final stage. You must pass through each tournament to earn playing rights on the Web.com tour. The top players from the web.com tour earn PGA Tour cards.
There are certain exemptions players can earn from various places across the world to exempt them into the different stages of q-school. I was exempt into the second tournament, called first stage. Q-school is very expensive, and only happens once per year at the end of the season. It's not a right to be there, many professionals who don't play well during the season will not go. The combination of all these factors make for some of the highest pressure golf has to offer.
After making it though hurricane Matthew and spending a week preparing for first stage, my game and mind felt ready for what was ahead of me. Although this was my first time playing q-school, I knew that I was prepared to make it through. After all, I had just had my best summer to date. I felt no reason that my standard game wouldn't advance through this stage. As the tournament started nerves came and went as they always do. The ball was flying how I expected it to, and hardly any putts were going in through the first two rounds. I stood at even par through two rounds. I was right around the cut line and feeling confident I could make a few putts and improve my position.
Then the forecast changed in round three, and a different type of hurricane hit me head on.
As the round started my frustration with my putter from the first two rounds carried over. One three putt, a bad decision on a par three, and in the span of 8 minutes I went from inside the cut line to outside of it. Irritated because I had been striking it great and not taking advantage of it, and pressing because I needed to make up ground, the mistakes started to add up.
At the end of the storm I tapped in for an 81.
Although it was the worst score I've shot in a very long time, the real storm was going through my mind that day:
"You've wanted to play this tournament your whole life to do this?"
"You say you love pressure, here you are at the peak of it, and look at what you're doing."
"This could be your only shot to ever play q-school."
"Everyone is waiting to see your score online today."
"How long are you going to be able to play this game?"
That is a small glimpse of what was flying through my mind during that day. As I sit here and type those words it seems impossible that I could even entertain thoughts like that. Writing them and reading them shows me that those thoughts come from a place I don't want to be. The third round of first stage was the hardest round of golf I've ever had to go through in my life. It was a round that could de-rail a competitive career. From the outside world perspective, it was as if I had spent the last 12 years of my life preparing for this and failed. It was a round that if my hope, happiness, and life depended on my golf score then I would most likely quit.
I'm glad that is not where my hope, happiness, and life lay.
Golf and life in general are full of storms and shifting sand. Money comes and goes. Opportunities come and go. People come and go. Sound investments fail. Great putts lip-out. Dependable people let you down. The game seems easy, then it seems hard. Literally everything in this world can leave you at a moments notice and it's completely out of your control.
3 years ago I was a different person. At the whim of a good or bad tournament round, my whole perspective could change. I relied on my golf score to validate myself as a person. I had built my life around something that constantly shifted and changed, which was not a great place to be. As hard as I practice, and as much as I love this crazy game, golf can be taken from me very quickly. If I believe that, then why would my happiness be based on a game that is out of my control?
BUILD A LIFE BASED ON SOMETHING THAT CANT BE TAKEN FROM YOU
For me, Gods love is my bedrock. For me, this crazy journey I'm on is showing me that you really can lean and rely on Him, through all the storms that will be thrown your way.
My 2016 season has come to an end, and I'm uncertain of what the future will bring. In the meantime, I plan to keep going, keep building, and keep learning.
This year has been truly amazing for me, not because of any golf score. I have met so many new great people and shared memories with them I'll never forget. I would like to thank everyone who has reached out to me over the course of this year with encouragement and support, I'm very thankful to you.
Thanks for following!
God bless
