Better

Hebrews 10: 24-25. "And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another and all the more as you see the day approaching."

Golf is very different from other sports.  Some of these unique aspects are easy to recognize if you take the time to think about it. If I asked you to make a list I'm sure most people would come up with some similar ideas: played on a large piece of land, field conditions constantly changing, fourteen metal sticks being lugged around, no direct contact with the competition, would all classify as examples.

One unique characteristic that may not cross your mind(unless you're a tournament player), is time.
No I'm not referring to pace of play that is a hot button issue right now, I'm referring to how much actual time can be spent playing the game. Like anything else, if you want to get better, it takes time and effort. Although some players may improve more quickly than others, it is typically a slow uphill process.

Even after I was gifted some ability, development has taken time and dedication. Every single type of bad shot is within my arsenal. Through dedication, time, struggle, and effort I've improved slowly and gradually.

My first lesson in this came when I was a sophomore in high school. The ever growing passion to compete and practice had run into a roadblock. When the school year approached in the fall it only meant one thing to me, less golf. The majority of my days and time were spent thinking about or trying to better my golf game. The issue I was presented with was that school now started at 8 a.m., finished at 2 p.m., while football practice started at 3 p.m. Once practiced finished there only remained about two hours of daylight, which was not enough to satisfy the itch I had to hone my craft.

The solution that fall would be to drive to the school(learner permit) at 5 a.m. and walk to the golf course on the other side of town. Ninety minutes of practice in the morning helped satisfy my itch but it wasn't always enough, I usually would make the walk back across town after football practice was over for another 90 minutes of practice.

They were long days, but they helped forge dedication to getting better. They didn't stop there.

In college at Henderson State my class schedules and the South Arkansas weather permitted me more time to practice. It was common place to start team workouts at 6 a.m., followed by classes till noon, then practice at the golf course until no daylight was left. The "grind brothers" as we termed ourselves spent many nights in the dark with a spot light following golf balls around the back nine of Degray Lake State Park Golf Course doing anything they could to get better. It worked.

"Grind brothers" seeing their work be rewarded

This lesson that getting better requires effort, change, and dedication has been a staple in my life. It continued into professional golf and has permeated in almost everything I do. That lesson has applied for me in work, friendships, family, and my walk of faith.

In December of 2018 I joined the Newton Christian Reformed Church

Since turning professional my yearly routine has followed a simple schedule.

 Follow the warm weather.

 I've generally split time 50/50 between Iowa and South Florida while competing, working, and trying to get better.  Being a 20-something snowbird has had its pro's and con's, but it has I'd say proven to be successful in terms of improving my golf game during the past five years. Over the past couple seasons however, I've noticed a difference in myself. Unlike my 18-year old self who wanted only to be constantly on the move and traveling, a desire has arose within me to stop packing my bags for a move across the country twice a year.

Even once I started to long for this, I still had no idea where I wanted to be. As a newer Christian who was without a church "home", part of what I really wanted was a place to belong, to learn, and be a part of.  Through a golf friendship, I was invited to attend a small church in an old brick building in a small town. What I found was not just a place that I could attend Sunday service, but a place that is full of people who are truly helping me get better.

During the winter of 2018-2019 as I went away and migrated to South Florida, I knew it could be my last season working in the ocean side town of Hobe Sound. The family I'm now apart of at Newton CRC is where I want to be, and that boiled down to a tough decision I made three weeks ago at the season opening week in Hobe Sound.

My Florida caddy bib has been retired.

I will miss these people and many more

The main question and comment I've got over the past couple weeks is "have you quit playing?".  My answer is a resounding no. All I'm doing is what I know will make me better. Being active and serving with a faithful church is what is going to help me accomplish just that.

Even after I received the free gift of Jesus Christ as my savior, sanctification takes time and dedication. Every single type of sin is within my arsenal. Through dedication, time, struggle, and effort I'm improving slowly and gradually.

Since becoming a Christian towards the end of my college days my life has changed dramatically. Some of my old friends might question how and be skeptical of this change. It only makes sense as they were around when I was lost. In my journey of getting better God is continually working on renewing me. I have messed up along the way, especially early on, but my closest relationships will attest to some of the visible changes in my life.

- The college kid who used to love getting drunk and going to parties is getting better and now hardly touches alcohol.

- The boy who was full of lust, addicted to pornography, and searching for relationships where he could use girls only for his pleasure is getting better, running from sexual immorality, striving for purity and saving himself for a wife.

- The heart full of pride that only wanted his name above others on a leaderboard, is getting better and now cheers for competition.

- The busy body who viewed slowing down as weakness is getting better and now sees value in rest.

- The skeptic who once viewed Christians as archaic, weird, and harsh, has had his eyes opened and can now better see the truth.

- The person who questioned the purpose of life and once saw it as meaningless now better sees his purpose and sees the touch of a Creator everywhere he turns. 

The list could go on.

The next step to getting better that I can best discern in my life is to stay close to the church body I feel God has led me to. If we know each other, you may be asking, "whats next for you with golf then?".

Competitive golf is still very much my craft. It is what I know, it is what I've spent fifteen years in study and in practice, it is still something I have a deep passion for. As I spend a winter in the snow for the first time in a decade, I will be open to how God wants me to use this craft. I will be open how I'll continue on this journey, all the while learning more about who He is, and continuing on the journey of getting better.

Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.

The Puppet Player

Romans 9:19-20

You will say to me then, "Why does he still find fault? For who can resist his will?" But who are you, O man, to answer back to God? Will what is molded say to its molder, "Why have you made me like this?"

There are many professional golfers throughout the years who you may not have ever heard of.  Obviously there are the journeyman professionals who never played on television but also many PGA Tour players and even some major champions go forgotten in the mind of an average golf fan.  There is no fault in that, after all we have many other more important things to remember in our daily lives than who won the 1982 PGA Championship, even though it could have been someones crowning achievement at that time.

People will remember the names of Tiger Woods, Jack Nicklaus, Seve Ballesteros, and many others long after they have finished playing.  Rightly so, those players have earned that reputation with their play.  However, some of the best stories come from those you probably never saw on a TV screen.

One such story is from a professional named Joe Daly.  If you've never heard of Joe allow me to tell you a little bit about him and what might be the one of the worst "breaks" in golf history.

Joe Daly grew up in Pennsylvania and played for Old Dominion University.  After school he became a wholesale credit manager and didn't turn pro until 1992 at the age of 32.  Five years after turning pro he earned a Nationwide Tour Card (level below PGA) and made it to the PGA Tour in 1998.  He fell back one more time to the Nationwide in 1999 and went to qualifying school in the fall of 99' in trying to make it back to the PGA Tour.

From what I can tell by reading some old articles Joe was playing solid in the final stage of qualifying school and approached his last hole two shots inside the cut line.  He was in the 4th of 6 rounds and looked to be heading back to the PGA Tour.  The 18th hole at PGA West where he was playing is a difficult hole, with water hazards very much in play.  Joe hit a shot in the water and by the time he approached the green he faced a four foot putt for a double bogey, which would keep him right on the cut line with two rounds to play. He hit a great putt that looked to be going right into the middle of the cup and then this happened...
.

Joe's ball hit the back of the cup dead center with perfect pace, and because the cup had not been installed properly that morning, the ball somehow managed to hit the back edge of the plastic perfectly and hop back out of the hole.( Click Here To Watch Joe's Final Putt ) He still had two rounds to play, but would end up missing his PGA Tour card by one stroke

This really is like something out of a professional golf nightmare.  Joe never made it back to the PGA Tour.  He was quoted saying that putt is "ancient history" and he no longer lets it define his career.  Joe was resilient and went on to have a successful senior tour career and even won a Senior PGA Championship.  

What comes to my mind is how many of his friends, family, and people in his life said to Joe following that infamous putt at qualifying school "Joe, I'm sorry that putt was just bad luck."  I would think the answer is probably around the same amount that told him, "Hey Joe good luck this week!".  

What are we truly saying when we use the term luck?  By the dictionary definition we are saying:

luck

 noun

Definition of luck

                         a force that brings good fortune or adversity
Luck was a big factor in the outcome.

I may lose some of you with this next statement. I don't believe luck exists.  I believe God exists.
If I believe in a Sovereign, All Powerful, All Knowing God, then I can't believe luck exists.  

I didn't always believe this though, and up until this past April there was one area of my life I wrestled with this concept on almost a daily basis for at least a year. You probably guessed it, golf!

When you work hard at your craft, it's easy to take pride in it.

Ever since I started playing tournament golf and my results gradually kept getting better, the world and people around me have been quick to give me praise.  "Keep up the good work" and "Your hard work is paying off", were both phrases my pride loved to hear whenever I achieved a new level of success.  These types of comments were always well meant, but for me they helped feed the idea that I owned my success and I was solely responsible for attaining it.  If you added up the endless hours of practice, the effort involved, plus the resources spent, I very much believed I solely owned any success that came my way.  Once I became a Christian, and I still saw continued success my thinking was "Great! God is going to help me prosper and grow because I want to do this for Him."

Like a whiny child who cries when you take away his candy, I only started to question God's sovereignty in my golf game until I ran into some adversity and started to struggle.  My childish thoughts went like "If I am working hard, want to glorify God, and He is sovereign, why is He allowing me to struggle like this? Why would I miss this cut by a shot, or have a worse results than last year? Doesn't God want me to succeed?"

I battled with those I trusted about this idea.  My main questions were:

1. Is God causing me to fail?
2. Is my effort worthless if God is sovereign over results?
3. In a game where there are an endless amount of changing variables, how can I grasp God's control?
4. If God is sovereign over my results then am I just a puppet on a string?

I wrestled with these ideas for quite some time, probably around a year like I previously mentioned, until it all came down a point of surrender.

After having missed at first stage of qualifying school by one shot I went back to Florida for the winter to work and prepare for the upcoming season.  My play the previous year was mediocre, and over the winter it started to get worse.  I continued to work as hard as I could and try to do the correct things to maximize my chances, but under tournament conditions, things continued to go wrong.  With about two weeks left before I migrated north for the summer, I felt as unprepared for the upcoming season as I ever had.  My bank account showed it, my scoring average showed it. I was not exactly trending in the right direction. I don't think I had broke 70 in a tournament in 4 months. 

I did have one event left, a two day tournament that is my biggest event in the winter, and one that I felt could be a great opportunity to turn the ship in the right direction.  Excited and prepared I walked to the first tee ready for success.  If you could have followed via some golf app it would have looked like this:

Tee shot 50 yards into the jungle.

Drop into sand, hit 7iron into tree deflected into more sand.

Angrily gouged the next shot back into the fairway.

Thinned an easy pitch shot to about 15 feet from the hole.

Made the 15 foot putt for double bogey.

The entire 20 minutes it took me to make that double bogey I was blaming God.  I knew He was sovereign.  I knew I was failing.  I felt like my golf career was coming to an end(laughable).  I felt like a puppet who's strings were being pulled in a direction he didn't want to go. I was thinking of all the times I have missed by a cut by one shot, all the struggle I had been going through with my game.  It sounds silly, but in that moment a double bogey pretty much broke the pride in my own golf success.  My next move was to stand off to the side of the green for about 20 seconds while my playing partners finished the hole.

My prayer was something like, "Lord, I know you are in control, and if it is your will for me to shoot 80 today, for my golf career to end or change directions, then I will do so to the best of my ability.  I trust you more than I trust myself." Then this happened.
  

I've listened to multiple friends and co-workers laugh when a golfer has won and thanked the Lord for their success.  A line I heard recently was "Did Jesus tell him to hit a 4 iron?" 

It is a joke among non-believers to use #blessed on social media in a sarcastic way to mock those who actually know they don't control the blessing they receive. It is truly sad they are blind to seeing the truth. Yes I was blessed to win that tournament, and to have an opportunity to continue competing, but also to know the One who provides it.

You may be thinking, "Matt are you saying God made you win?" You may also think I'm saying "God made Joe Daly miss that putt." You could also think, "Joe should have just played better and the putt that rimmed out wouldn't have mattered." 

I'm not saying any of those things.  I'm saying I've come to understand the relationship between God's will and my own is something that I will never be able to fully comprehend.  Just like I will never be able to fully comprehend how God made the earth you and I inhabit, that doesn't change its obvious truth. I don't believe two random atoms(that also appeared by chance) collided together by pure luck and created humans, the oceans, the land, the stars, the sun and moon, and all of this creation we see every day.  That luck just doesn't exist, but God does exist.

I am simply the clay made by the clay maker.  The tiny human brain I have could not ever grasp something as complex as that. What I won't do is believe what the world says regarding luck and happenstance. What I will do is trust that God is good and what He says is true.

Does Gods sovereignty mean we should sit back and do nothing about our lives or our work? It absolutely does not. As a Christian I'm called to work with all my heart as if I was working for the Lord. I have to show up and put the work in every day, just like everyone else does. I'm put here to be a workman not a director. The concept between God's will and man's will is one that people have wrestled with for as long as man has walked this earth.  I've come to peace about it and am not here to tell you I have the answer, but that I know why I wrestled with it.  I wanted complete control because I wasn't trusting the One who ultimately has control.

If you think I'm crazy I'd ask you to really sit down and think. Be real about how much control you actually have over every little thing in your life. If you are humble enough to admit that you know you don't have complete control then maybe you're also humble enough to admit that you haven't lived a perfect life either. I know I haven't, when I stand before God after I've left this earth I will be guilty just like every single other person who reads this. Similar to any success I may have, my salvation and being made right with God is something I'll never be able to do on my own.  No amount of work, effort, good deeds, or blog posts will ever be enough to satisfy the sins I have committed in front of a perfect God. 

I need major help...

Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.

Why do we love an underdog?

17 months ago I was preparing to compete in the first stage of the tour's qualifying school for my second attempt to earn a tour card through the qualifying stages.  Unlike my first attempt,  I had some experience as to what my mind was going to go through during what many golf professionals consider "the highest pressure in tournament golf".  Going into the event my physical game felt good enough, and I was going to have a trusted guide caddying for me.  Having someone trusted with you can make a big difference in events that really get your nerves going.  My confidence gauge wasn't full, but I felt the odds were in my favor to advance through the first stage.

Through two rounds of play, I was playing great.  The wind and conditions were difficult (I always enjoy that) and I was reading the greens well which translated to making more than my quota of putts. I was feeling great and full of confidence at the halfway mark.  Shortly after the round I ran into a friend who was also competing and he gave me a quick congrats on my play that had me in 2nd place.  We encouraged each other to keep fighting hard, and he also gave me a heads up to the current leader I would be playing with in the third round.  I had no idea who he was talking about, but he informed me that he was a fresh All-American out of college, with big endorsement deals from Nike and PXG.  The way he said it to me I'll never forget, I could feel he had a overwhelming sense of "there is no way I'll ever be as good as him". 

As my guide and I walked to the first tee for the third round, I saw my playing partner who was the world beater that everyone in golf was talking about.  Many characteristics you would imagine described him;  physically in great shape, technically sound, absolute best equipment and clothing,  also friendly! My first impressions were that he was likable and nice, it's not like I walked to the tee thinking I had to slay a giant.  My mental approach was to play my game and post a score that was good enough to advance through to the next stage, it didn't matter who I was playing with.

What I found over the next nine holes though was very strange.  All the feelings and momentum I had built from the previous two days seemed to completely leave me.  My ball flight and contact started to change, my routines and timing left me, and I couldn't keep my eyes off of what was an absolute ball-striking clinic by my playing partner.  I'm serious, this guy was absolutely flushing it.  Ive seen great strikers, I've competed against many of them before and even caddied for some major champions but this was a clinic in how to hit the golf ball.  I couldn't shake the feelings of indaequacy and doubt about what I was doing.  On the 6th green my guide looked at me and said "whats going on?". He could tell that something inside of me was off.  I took about fifteen minutes to think about it then I told him on the 7th green "I am constantly comparing myself".

Despite a shaky nine holes I was able to straighten the ship, shake off my internal comparison at the time and advance into the 2nd stage with a good final round.

One month later, I failed at 2nd stage, my playing partner made it all the way through to finals and earned his tour card.

Fast forward 17 months to now....

Some days at work I feel like this

For those unaware, the past five years I've spent my winter months in South Florida working as a club caddie while practicing and competing.  It has been a great way to help continue playing tournaments.

Every job has it's monotony, but one great thing I've found in this work so far is it's unpredictability.  The vast majority of days I show up to work I have no idea who I'll be spending four to five hours with. One day I could be paired with someone I've worked for many times, and the next day I could be paired with the Commander in Chief. (not a joke)

The last Wednesday of this past February I'm going about my day like normal.  Over the radio my name gets called out, and I make my way out of the caddie shack toward my boss to get my assignment for the day.  While I'm approaching my boss I see a very familiar face standing next to him.

As I came closer I quickly realized it was my playing partner from qualifying school 17 months ago.

We took a minute to catch up and exchange small talk, then it was all business. His preparation for the day was important.  There was a PGA Tour event in town that week and he had a tee time the following morning.  Playing along with him were two members of the club and his full time tour caddie.

As I watched him prepare and play that day I couldn't help but think about the golf we played 17 months prior.  In a short amount of time he had accomplished the dream I and so many players have longed for.  Like I had 17 months prior, I watched in awe of how good the ball was flying. I started to feel as the day went on what a underdog I am in comparison to this player.  Not only did this player have a high set of skills he also had:

- Consultation from PGA Tour level instructors for different areas of his game
- The best and newest equipment
-Sponsorships, exemptions, and the highest level of "access" into professional golf
-Multiple years of experience of traveling the country to compete against the very best of his age

He played fairly solid that day, and would play great that week on the PGA Tour finishing inside the top ten and cashing a big check.  My mind couldn't help but see what I had in comparison to this player and how people and the world around me would view what I have in comparison to him:

-Less talent
-Can't swing the club as fast
-No money, no exemptions, no promise
-Spends time working to support playing career
-Started golf at a later age and has never competed on the highest level

I sat there and wondered how could I really begin to even think I'm capable of being as good as this player.  Not only him, but the many others like him, along with the every other tour player that has already established themselves on the highest level.  Am I crazy? Delusional? Should I give up?

There are many other underdogs like me out there in many facets of life.  In sports or in business, the stories of when an individual or team overcomes great odds inspires us.  You can hardly turn on your t.v. without finding a movie about someone who overcame something.  For as long as I can remember I've always cheered for the "little guy".  I never knew why I loved an underdog, for a while I thought maybe it had something to do with growing up in a very small community. In my opinion the greatest and most exciting moments in sports are when something happens that's not supposed to happen. During a season where we focus on the madness of great over-achievers, who would you think in a fight or competition is the greatest underdog of all time?  It's not the 1980 U.S. Olympic Hockey team.  It's not Valvano and the '83 Wolfpack. It's not Rocky Balboa.  It's not even sister Jean and Loyola-Chicago in the final four.

The biggest underdog in history was a shepard boy named David. You may have heard of him, he killed a giant named Goliath.  

I won't write out the story because it's highly likely you've already heard it.  It's also likely that some of you who read this will think I'm talking about a fairly tale.  I suggest you do some research.  Anyways, after my experience at work and really looking at my odds I decided to go back and refresh myself on the account of David slaying the giant and closely look at what the greatest underdog of all time went through.  When reading through the story a couple times it was hard not to notice some things.

-David was extremely out matched in size, ability, and experience
-David's equipment was out matched
-Goliath scoffed at him and called him a dog
-Davids family didn't believe in him or his motives
-The entire nations fate was on his shoulders

In the midst of these circumstances what made David actually believe he could win?  It's not just as if David was thrown into this fight by somebody else, he volunteered for it against his brother's wishes.  How was he able to have a such faith?  After all the bible tells us God described David as a man after his own heart.  David was able to win because his faith was not in himself.  He believed that God had already delivered him through many other battles and this would be nothing more than another victory for the Lord.

As I get prepared to embark on another summer of golf and Lord willing another opportunity at qualifying school, how can I learn from the greatest of underdogs? Let's be real here, there is a little difference between battling for your nation versus playing golf, but that doesn't mean I can't learn from David.  I'm in a season of struggle where my golf is at a real low point relative to the last three years. I have family members suggesting to me to try something else, and I'm not able to devote a full amount of time to practice right now.  The odds are firmly stacked against me.

I ultimately take away from the account that David had true unwavering faith in the Lord.  He believed the Lord supplied him with what he needed in his training and his equipment.  He believed the Lord was with him and would not fail.  The Lord cannot fail, confidence in Him is true confidence. Confidence in literally anything else can and has faded away.  My faith in the Lord's providence does not necessarily mean He will deliver me to the PGA Tour, it does mean that He is preparing me and has given me what I need to have success for whatever battle He wills me to fight.

My original question was, "why do we love an underdog?". In my opinion, the real reason we love an underdog is because deep inside us we long for someone to overcome the ugliness and troubles that life in this fallen world guarantees us. 

The good news is that Jesus Christ has already done it.

John 16:33 "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart! I have overcome the world"

Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.

Child's Play

Matthew 19:13-14

Then people brought little children to Jesus for Him to place his hands on them and pray for them.  But the disciples rebuked them.  Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." 

My first peek into the professional golf world came in a similar fashion to most kids. 

Watching the PGA Tour events on television started to capture my imagination and attention around the age of 13.  I specifically remember watching the Masters tournament for the first time in 2004 when Phil Mickelson birdied the 18th hole to beat Ernie Els.  The inspiration I received from watching led to many hours of imitation and helped kindle my ever growing passion for competitive golf.  In the summer after 7th grade, I remember Dad scoring tickets to the John Deere Classic in the Quad Cities.  He, plus my grandparents and I loaded up and made the two hour trip east on Interstate 80.  My memory can vividly recall so many of the players and shots I watched that day.  I left in utter amazement of the entire experience.  I remember wondering how these players got to that point and what somebody had to accomplish to get to the PGA Tour.

Fast forward to August of 2012 and I'm seven years further down my journey, getting ready to go into my junior season at Henderson State.  I'm having some success at the time, and absolutely loving the process of getting better and honing my craft.  In the back of my mind I knew after graduating I wanted to play professional golf, but I didn't know exactly where and how I would get started. When you're not an All-American or don't have a pile of money ready at your disposal, the road isn't as clear cut.  I understood what Qualifying School was, what mini-tours were, and the step-by-step process a player would go through to get there.  All I wanted at the time was an opportunity to "grind" with the guys striving to get on the PGA Tour.  I loved practice, travel, and competition.  In a child like mindset, all I wanted was to do what I loved.

During that summer of 2012, and the following summer of 2013 I played in the Iowa Open.  For me those two weeks were opportunities to test myself against the state open "level", which always hosts great players.  You will consistently see the best club professionals from that state, mini-tour players, and the states best amateur players.  Many of the mini-tour players or even some of the club professionals have at some point had a high level of success, maybe some PGA Tour starts, or maybe a few of the amateurs have had recent high success in the national amateur scene.  In short, it was a great way for me to assess my skills vs there's and to learn what "chasing the dream" was all about.  

I didn't light up the world those two weeks, but I did manage to make the cut.  The experience was so valuable at the time.  I specifically recall playing with two players who have had some recent success, one is a member of the PGA Tour and another now on the Web.Com Tour.  Being able to get an up close look at what tour caliber golf was, I left with a specific thought.

"I can do this."

That's not all I took away, however.  

I remember the overall mentality and attitudes I felt from many players those two weeks.  I got the sense of discouragement, cynicism, and negativity from so many players.  Comments they made about themselves, how the money(purse) that week was terrible, or their games had an overwhelmingly dreadful outlook.  This was something I was shocked at during the time.  I didn't understand it then, but when you play for your income vs. playing for fun as an amateur golfer there is a whole extra mental aspect to the results.  To my in-experienced mind these players were closer to "making it" than anyone else, and here they were with some of the worst attitudes I had ever seen.  I knew the guys weren't rich that played mini-tour events, but after all they were getting a chance to chase after something they had most likely worked towards for a long time.  All I could think at the time was, "why"?

In short, I saw a lot of this..

It made such an impression on me that in the spring of 2014 right before I was about to embark on my professional journey, I wrote this in my journal...

"One of the most important elements for me to have a successful professional career will be my overall mental outlook on my career and life (perspective). Throughout my time playing competitively I have seen many poor attitudes and players that are detrimental to themselves.  Especially in the experience I gained in the last two Iowa Open's, I saw many players that seemed miserable playing golf professionally. Even though the Iowa Open and "state open" level isn't an extremely high level like the PGA Tour or Web.Com Tour, the opportunity to play professionally is something to not be taken for granted. Many people in this world beg for any type of work, and here I sit with this opportunity.  I will need to keep a positive, resilient attitude to have long term success.  Also, and most importantly, I will need to keep my identity in Christ, not in my golf game.  Ultimately I don't have complete control of my future so I cannot put my identity in golf because I could end up in another field.  This is out of my control, but having Christ at the center of my life is within my 

control."

Simple enough, right?

Junior golf at Cardinal Hills

Over the past seven years I've had the opportunity to be involved in a lot of junior golf in my neck of the woods thanks to my friend John Shawver.  "Free Junior Golf Saturdays" at Fore Seasons in Newton, IA was the theme for this summer.  If I wasn't away competing on a Saturday there was no chance I was going to miss seeing these kids.  The time spent with them is always worthwhile, their spirit is infectious and they are always genuine.  I've tried to learn while watching them, here is what I've gathered.

Kids (almost always)

- Trust their teacher.  They inherently understand they don't know as much.

- Believe in themselves.  If you give them a challenge, they try repeatedly until they accomplish it.

- Relish positive outcomes.  If they hit 1 good shot and 10 bad ones, you'll hear about the good one.

- Enjoy playing.  You'll always hear laughing, and see smiling.

Simple enough, right?

Chipping contests with Landon

Obviously everyone loses their way at times, but I always seem to learn things the hard way.  I've sensed a change in myself going on this season that I haven't been able to vocally articulate.  Armed with what I know from my Iowa Open experiences plus what I know from junior golf, I assumed that keeping perspective would be something that I can tackle easily.

- Why then did I throw my 4-iron into a gator infested lake in April while playing a casual round with friends? That doesn't seem very joyful. 

- Why then does playing well now feel like "what I'm supposed to do" instead of something I can relish?

- Why then do I find myself making casual pessimistic comments about my game instead of believing I have what it takes?

- Why then have I found myself doubting teachers who have poured so much into my life?

Based on the above truths that have been occurring in my life, I can say with assurance my perspective has been gradually slipping.  I know the skeptics are thinking, "well you're finally just facing the reality you're not going to make it".  Possibly they'll say, "many players have to face the music".  It wouldn't shock me if "you're finally seeing how hard it is," crossed their mind.

Sorry to disappoint skeptics, you are wrong.

Goofing around after practice 

So much of our perspective is based on what the world tells us about ourselves.  I often refer to it as the "noise".  The noise is any comment or thought we hear in daily life that sticks in our minds as a way to define ourselves. Where does this noise come from? It can come from almost anywhere but here are some examples:

-Friends

-Acquaintances 

-Family

-Co-workers

-Social Media

-T.V.

-Competitors

The noise doesn't always sound the same, I'm sure many of my golfing brethren can attest to that.  When you're growing up and improving rapidly confidence comes easily.  Many people surrounding you are quick to tell you how great you're doing, and how you are bound for success.  This easily leads to arrogance and pride, which would definitely describe my 18 year old-self.  When you start listening and believing that noise, you take form to whatever it tells you.

Likewise, when you turn professional and start pursuing the tour, the noise takes on a different tone.  When things go your way people are quick to jump in your boat, but when they are not going your way people start to question what you are doing.  They don't do it in a confrontational way, sometimes it's even in a caring way. Comments I've gotten this year vary. This summer I was told, "you have a time limit", and just yesterday I was told "you should get your amateur status back".  Peers, competitors, and professionals who are no longer competing love the social media narrative, "golf is hard". Competitive golf can be hard! However, it becomes a lot harder when you're losing your perspective on why you started playing it in the first place.

The golfing world likes to tell me that unless I'm on the PGA Tour and living in a multi-million dollar house, I'm struggling.  The reality is I'm typing this on my apple lap-top. The reality is I'm not wondering where my next meal is coming from. The reality is if you're reading this, you're likely living in some of the greatest luxury the world has ever known. 

This kid makes everybody smile, I promise

Now that the off-season has come for me, I'm facing the question of how do I recover my slipping perspective?  The truth is I don't think I can do the saving myself.  I'll need help in climbing back up that hill, but for now I'm going to do the best I can to play like a child in the 2018-2019 season.  This doesn't mean I'm disregarding proper strategy.  It doesn't mean I'm going to care less.  It doesn't mean I'm going to goof around more. What it does mean is I'm going to trust my Teacher.

Because I trust that Teacher, I'm going to believe His love is enough to face the challenges in front of me.  Because I can face my challenges, I'm going to relish the blessings he provides in that fight.  Because I'll relish those blessings, you may just see some smiles.

Your word is a lamp to my feet, a light to my path.

The Numbers

Phillippians 2:13 

"For it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill His good purpose."

Unless you live under a rock, you may have noticed something about our culture.  We are obsessed with numbers.  Just take a look around you and you'll see what I'm talking about.  Every single time any news is reported, a statistic is included.  Any time a person does something significant, it's measured and compared to someone else.  Heck, even when I post this blog I'll be able to see how many people viewed it, when they viewed, how they viewed, and what country they viewed it from.  Do you use social media? Every button you press while using it is being analyzed.  As someone who is always seeking knowledge I find this natural. In our desire to learn and understand, we analyze the numbers.  There is hardly anything I can think of in this world anymore that isn't somehow analyzed, measured, or given a quantifiable figure to define it.  We desire to understand the world we are living in and I'm no different.  I analyze the world around me constantly.  I'm not suggesting we are all like Dustin Hoffman in Rain Man, but it's hard for me to ignore our cultures obsession.  We measure everything, and golf is no different.  

Allow me to illustrate what I mean.

If you keep up with the golf world you've probably seen or heard some new things and words being used in the past ten years, but especially the last three to five.  Data driven golf has taken over the game, and you'd be hard pressed to find a tour professional who isn't somehow incorporating it into his game.  Let's start with the most known and popular piece of technology, a 25,000$ orange box. This orange box is called Trackman, it measures club and ball data through the hitting area of a golf shot.  It is just one of many new measuring tools being used by the best in the world. 

If you're watching on tv, trackman will produce numbers like these (left side of the screen) and another technology called pro-tracer will track the ball.

This data tracking has become so common that if you stand on a PGA Tour or European Tour range during warm-up or practice round days, you'll probably see more guys checking out their numbers than not.

It doesn't stop there.  Oh no we are only getting started! Your performance on the course is now becoming more quantifiable.  Statistical programs are being used by almost every tour professional and I'm no different.  In fact, I'm using two of them!  One is called ShotByShot and the other DECADE.  Here is a small glimpse of the numbers I'm able to gather from each.

It doesn't stop there either. Golf course management, planning, green reading, and decision making have all becoming quantifiable and measured by numbers. Here is what a PGA Tour yardage book looks like inside.

Ever wonder what the heck a tour pro may be looking at in a yardage book when he only has a eight foot putt left to finish the round? He's looking at numbers. Here's a peek at a professional greens book that many pros are using. 

I could go on and on but I imagine you get my point.  We are obsessed with measuring and counting.  Now, before you go thinking that I'm about to spit out some old-school mumbo jumbo about how this all takes away your feel and it's not natural let me stop you right there. I am a HUGE fan of all this data.  Why? 

As the old saying goes "the ball doesn't lie". 

When I analyze with numbers Ive felt it helps eliminate that odd opinion of another that could potentially lead me down the wrong road.  The numbers are non-biased, fact based, and most importantly measure everyone the same way.  I find that extremely useful. I could tell you everything from my spin loft and average attack angle on my driver in 2016 to my current make percentage in the past month from sixteen feet.  Ive used every piece of information and technology listed above and anything else I felt could make me better.  My desire to improve, gain knowledge, and compete led me to do so.

It also led me into a common trap that a lot of us fall into and one that is not new to me... 

Self - Reliance. 

I sit here writing to you in amazement of how hard this game can be.  A string of bad golf over the past few weeks combined with a recent neck issue and I'm humbled yet again.  How is it that I could be technically swinging as well as I ever have been, have more data than ever before, more experience than ever before, and struggling?  Well after beating my head against a wall I'm wondering the same thing!  So I decided to look back over some old stuff and see what I could find. I'm grateful that I made writing a habit when I was around a senior in high school, because now at times like these I can learn from where I've come from to how I've gotten to this point.  Opening up some old journals and scanning over them I didn't find and old swing thought that clicked.  There wasn't any trackman data that made me realize what's wrong.  There were some numbers though that stood out..  

When I look at that picture I don't just see dates and blog posts.  I look at my journal and ironically my personal entries seem to dip in quantity just like the above numbers do.  "So what's the point" you may be thinking. How does journal entries and blog posts lead to a higher golf score and can the two be related?

Yes they can.

2016 was my most successful year to date (in golf terms).  Through all of my struggles and battles up to that point I was consistently learning more about who I am, who God is, and growing closer to Him.  I wrote more because I was discovering good news that I needed to document and share.  However, as soon as I came across a smidge of worldly success and had more data on my hands I subtly and slowly started to change.  Within my own mind I started to justify my success not by my growing closer to God and leaning on Him while struggling uphill, I justified it with my "better technique" and "better numbers".  I started to believe I was the one who was in control and the one who was creating my own success.  I didn't do this intentionally, it slowly and subtly showed.  This realization leads me to understand something that the majority of you who read this won't like to hear (myself included often times).

WE ARE NOT THE AUTHORS OF OUR OWN SUCCESS

Now, before you click the red (x) at the top left of your screen hear me out.  

In 2005 when I began this journey in golf I was a 13 year old kid who had nothing better to do than go hit some golf shots.  I couldn't break 85 for 18 holes if you asked me and I grew up playing on a nine hole golf course that is 3000 yards if you stretch it out, with greens that run 9 on the stimp meter if you're putting downhill.  I had no AJGA membership, no professional swing coach, 6 months of play-able weather and a set of old RAM clubs with a Zebra putter.  

(I wore jeans to my first high school match)

The numbers weren't exactly in my favor and anyone with half a brain would say the percentages were against me to have any real success in competitive golf.  I'll tell you what the numbers couldn't measure though...

IMMEASURABLE

UNQUANTIFIABLE

INTANGIBLE

perfect will from a GOD who is

IMMEASURABLE 

UNQUANTIFIABLE

& INTANGIBLE

If you want to believe you are the author of your own success I'm not going to stop you.  You go right on believing you're the captain of your own ship and calculating the numbers to your destination.  I'm going to stick with the Captain who took the 13 year old kid with old RAM clubs to a state championship, multiple collegiate wins, the Mackenzie Tour and the Web.Com Tour, and three different countries all while chasing the same ball he used to chase around the 3000 yard nine hole golf course in rural Iowa.  The Captain of my ship defies the numbers, and when I look back I am in awe of it all.

The odds are you probably don't live under a rock and yes, you've probably seen how numbers obessesed our culture is.  However, you are living on a rock that's floating and spinning in space. I wonder what the odds, percentages, and numbers are on that?

Embracing The Ugly

We can rejoice too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead us to disappointment.

Romans 5:3-5

This past November I stood on the 5th hole of TPC Craig Ranch in 2nd stage of Web.Com Q-School staring down a pretty basic layup shot to pretty basic par five hole.  It was my third of four rounds and I had started on the 10th hole that day so I was closing in on the final holes of my round.  Sitting at -3 for the day, I knew if I could close in -4 or -5 that would put me 1 or 2 shots back of the cut line where a solid final round would get the job done.   Not an easy task considering my 16th and 17th holes were monsters, but the par five I sat on and the par five I would finish on made that outcome very possible. After a mediocre round one and battling tough elements in round two it felt as though I was finally starting to build some positive momentum.

When you're in qualifying school even the basic shots aren't basic. I'm sure anyone who has been through it would agree. One shot means so much.

After my tee shot I had left myself with an uphill 275 yard shot to an easy pin location with no trouble around the green. Although I couldn't reach the green given the conditions our plan was to advance the ball up as close to the green as possible to leave an easy up-and-in for birdie.  After selecting a target and going through my routine I drew the club back with zero indication of any impending disaster.  However, by the time my club head was just past impact I very well knew what had happened.

Early in the 3rd round of 2nd stage

I won't sugar coat it. I hit a giant ugly fat shot. It's common term when a good player hits a shot slightly thin to hear the phrase "thin to win", but I've never heard "fat to win".

I couldn't even look up. I had to take a moment to just cool myself down because my emotions were running so hot. I knew my ball had advanced maybe 150 yards up the fairway and by no means into any trouble, but somehow under the circumstances this shot meant so much more. The par I made on that hole showed up with no color on the scorecard but the stats don't always tell the whole story. Now that I've had some time to clear my mind and get some rest, its so easy to see how this moment and shot was indicative of my 2017 season.

After 36 events in 11 months and a lot of miles, how could I not have something to write about? I've had many things cross my mind but none seemed significant enough to share. My good friend and mentor consistently reminded me that I needed to. I don't think of myself as a writer but I guess I could say I have had some writers block lately.  Finally though, after getting some perspective Ive realized that my problem isn't that there is nothing to write about it's that I haven't wanted to share with you the ugly side of the journey. I'm very grateful for all that I was able to do this past year and all the people I've was able to meet but as for the results side of the year it felt as if there wasn't much to write about. In the glitter-filled instagram world we now live in, maybe this will sound and look a little different than the normal self-promotion that the world foolishly believes is good.

Trunk made peanut butter sandwiches and car crashes. Its a glamorous journey.  

In chasing my dream there is a lot of ups and downs, more often downs than ups.  The failures are often ugly. This year alone I've failed so many times. 

- I hit three balls in the water though Final Stage of Sunshine Tour Finals to just miss my card.  

- I missed making it to U.S. Open sectionals by 1 shot.

- I missed qualifying for the Byron Nelson in May by 1 shot. 

- I missed an easy up and in on my 35th hole in the Texas Open to miss the cut by a shot. 

- I missed qualifying for the John Deere Classic by 2 shots.

- I made a triple bogey with four holes to play in the Herman Sani to finish 3rd after leading the whole tournament.

The failure in results and scores is obvious, but there are other ugly sides to the journey. For example, the time spent away from home can be ugly. 

- I've missed many family holidays
- I wasn't there the day my brother left for the Army
- I haven't got to see very many of my sisters softball games
- I've missed watching some of my friends getting married
- I've missed out on quality time with my parents/grandparents
- I've lost touch with some of my best friends

The financial battle at times can be ugly.

- There are entry fees I haven't been able to pay
- Splitting a hotel room four ways happens more than you think
- It's not that hard to sleep in your car
- Sometimes a tent and a fire will get the job done
- Odd end jobs can be great
- Grind out every shot because every penny matters
- I've never seen a mini-tour offer "benefits" and a company truck

Psychologically there is a ongoing, ugly, battle. 

- I'm often reminded by acquaintances the odds are against me
- Father time doesn't seem to slow down
- Loved ones and family members express doubt and concern
- Peers quit the journey and try to convince you why you should too
- Self doubt is never far away when things aren't going smoothly

There are many times I've drove down the highway after a rough couple days and thought to myself "what the heck am I doing?" I wish I could tell you every moment is filled with belief and determination but the truth is it's just not.  I don't want your pity, I just want to be real with you. No hash tags, no go-fund-me pages, and no instagram videos of me on a squat rack.  The real truth is I struggle in the journey often.  I battle with belief and I sometimes fall into the trap of comparison. There are times I analyze and question if whether or not I am adequte to accomplish my dream.

The road can get ugly, and that is exactly why I will continue to choose it. Instead of pretending it does not exist, I will choose to embrace the ugly. 

I do not know if I will make it to the PGA Tour.  I do know my failures, trials, and challenges will continue to develop my endurance and my character. I do know that God will not disappoint me.


Here's to the fat shots of the past and to the ugly of the future. Embrace it.