Child's Play

Matthew 19:13-14

Then people brought little children to Jesus for Him to place his hands on them and pray for them.  But the disciples rebuked them.  Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." 

My first peek into the professional golf world came in a similar fashion to most kids. 

Watching the PGA Tour events on television started to capture my imagination and attention around the age of 13.  I specifically remember watching the Masters tournament for the first time in 2004 when Phil Mickelson birdied the 18th hole to beat Ernie Els.  The inspiration I received from watching led to many hours of imitation and helped kindle my ever growing passion for competitive golf.  In the summer after 7th grade, I remember Dad scoring tickets to the John Deere Classic in the Quad Cities.  He, plus my grandparents and I loaded up and made the two hour trip east on Interstate 80.  My memory can vividly recall so many of the players and shots I watched that day.  I left in utter amazement of the entire experience.  I remember wondering how these players got to that point and what somebody had to accomplish to get to the PGA Tour.

Fast forward to August of 2012 and I'm seven years further down my journey, getting ready to go into my junior season at Henderson State.  I'm having some success at the time, and absolutely loving the process of getting better and honing my craft.  In the back of my mind I knew after graduating I wanted to play professional golf, but I didn't know exactly where and how I would get started. When you're not an All-American or don't have a pile of money ready at your disposal, the road isn't as clear cut.  I understood what Qualifying School was, what mini-tours were, and the step-by-step process a player would go through to get there.  All I wanted at the time was an opportunity to "grind" with the guys striving to get on the PGA Tour.  I loved practice, travel, and competition.  In a child like mindset, all I wanted was to do what I loved.

During that summer of 2012, and the following summer of 2013 I played in the Iowa Open.  For me those two weeks were opportunities to test myself against the state open "level", which always hosts great players.  You will consistently see the best club professionals from that state, mini-tour players, and the states best amateur players.  Many of the mini-tour players or even some of the club professionals have at some point had a high level of success, maybe some PGA Tour starts, or maybe a few of the amateurs have had recent high success in the national amateur scene.  In short, it was a great way for me to assess my skills vs there's and to learn what "chasing the dream" was all about.  

I didn't light up the world those two weeks, but I did manage to make the cut.  The experience was so valuable at the time.  I specifically recall playing with two players who have had some recent success, one is a member of the PGA Tour and another now on the Web.Com Tour.  Being able to get an up close look at what tour caliber golf was, I left with a specific thought.

"I can do this."

That's not all I took away, however.  

I remember the overall mentality and attitudes I felt from many players those two weeks.  I got the sense of discouragement, cynicism, and negativity from so many players.  Comments they made about themselves, how the money(purse) that week was terrible, or their games had an overwhelmingly dreadful outlook.  This was something I was shocked at during the time.  I didn't understand it then, but when you play for your income vs. playing for fun as an amateur golfer there is a whole extra mental aspect to the results.  To my in-experienced mind these players were closer to "making it" than anyone else, and here they were with some of the worst attitudes I had ever seen.  I knew the guys weren't rich that played mini-tour events, but after all they were getting a chance to chase after something they had most likely worked towards for a long time.  All I could think at the time was, "why"?

In short, I saw a lot of this..

It made such an impression on me that in the spring of 2014 right before I was about to embark on my professional journey, I wrote this in my journal...

"One of the most important elements for me to have a successful professional career will be my overall mental outlook on my career and life (perspective). Throughout my time playing competitively I have seen many poor attitudes and players that are detrimental to themselves.  Especially in the experience I gained in the last two Iowa Open's, I saw many players that seemed miserable playing golf professionally. Even though the Iowa Open and "state open" level isn't an extremely high level like the PGA Tour or Web.Com Tour, the opportunity to play professionally is something to not be taken for granted. Many people in this world beg for any type of work, and here I sit with this opportunity.  I will need to keep a positive, resilient attitude to have long term success.  Also, and most importantly, I will need to keep my identity in Christ, not in my golf game.  Ultimately I don't have complete control of my future so I cannot put my identity in golf because I could end up in another field.  This is out of my control, but having Christ at the center of my life is within my 

control."

Simple enough, right?

Junior golf at Cardinal Hills

Over the past seven years I've had the opportunity to be involved in a lot of junior golf in my neck of the woods thanks to my friend John Shawver.  "Free Junior Golf Saturdays" at Fore Seasons in Newton, IA was the theme for this summer.  If I wasn't away competing on a Saturday there was no chance I was going to miss seeing these kids.  The time spent with them is always worthwhile, their spirit is infectious and they are always genuine.  I've tried to learn while watching them, here is what I've gathered.

Kids (almost always)

- Trust their teacher.  They inherently understand they don't know as much.

- Believe in themselves.  If you give them a challenge, they try repeatedly until they accomplish it.

- Relish positive outcomes.  If they hit 1 good shot and 10 bad ones, you'll hear about the good one.

- Enjoy playing.  You'll always hear laughing, and see smiling.

Simple enough, right?

Chipping contests with Landon

Obviously everyone loses their way at times, but I always seem to learn things the hard way.  I've sensed a change in myself going on this season that I haven't been able to vocally articulate.  Armed with what I know from my Iowa Open experiences plus what I know from junior golf, I assumed that keeping perspective would be something that I can tackle easily.

- Why then did I throw my 4-iron into a gator infested lake in April while playing a casual round with friends? That doesn't seem very joyful. 

- Why then does playing well now feel like "what I'm supposed to do" instead of something I can relish?

- Why then do I find myself making casual pessimistic comments about my game instead of believing I have what it takes?

- Why then have I found myself doubting teachers who have poured so much into my life?

Based on the above truths that have been occurring in my life, I can say with assurance my perspective has been gradually slipping.  I know the skeptics are thinking, "well you're finally just facing the reality you're not going to make it".  Possibly they'll say, "many players have to face the music".  It wouldn't shock me if "you're finally seeing how hard it is," crossed their mind.

Sorry to disappoint skeptics, you are wrong.

Goofing around after practice 

So much of our perspective is based on what the world tells us about ourselves.  I often refer to it as the "noise".  The noise is any comment or thought we hear in daily life that sticks in our minds as a way to define ourselves. Where does this noise come from? It can come from almost anywhere but here are some examples:

-Friends

-Acquaintances 

-Family

-Co-workers

-Social Media

-T.V.

-Competitors

The noise doesn't always sound the same, I'm sure many of my golfing brethren can attest to that.  When you're growing up and improving rapidly confidence comes easily.  Many people surrounding you are quick to tell you how great you're doing, and how you are bound for success.  This easily leads to arrogance and pride, which would definitely describe my 18 year old-self.  When you start listening and believing that noise, you take form to whatever it tells you.

Likewise, when you turn professional and start pursuing the tour, the noise takes on a different tone.  When things go your way people are quick to jump in your boat, but when they are not going your way people start to question what you are doing.  They don't do it in a confrontational way, sometimes it's even in a caring way. Comments I've gotten this year vary. This summer I was told, "you have a time limit", and just yesterday I was told "you should get your amateur status back".  Peers, competitors, and professionals who are no longer competing love the social media narrative, "golf is hard". Competitive golf can be hard! However, it becomes a lot harder when you're losing your perspective on why you started playing it in the first place.

The golfing world likes to tell me that unless I'm on the PGA Tour and living in a multi-million dollar house, I'm struggling.  The reality is I'm typing this on my apple lap-top. The reality is I'm not wondering where my next meal is coming from. The reality is if you're reading this, you're likely living in some of the greatest luxury the world has ever known. 

This kid makes everybody smile, I promise

Now that the off-season has come for me, I'm facing the question of how do I recover my slipping perspective?  The truth is I don't think I can do the saving myself.  I'll need help in climbing back up that hill, but for now I'm going to do the best I can to play like a child in the 2018-2019 season.  This doesn't mean I'm disregarding proper strategy.  It doesn't mean I'm going to care less.  It doesn't mean I'm going to goof around more. What it does mean is I'm going to trust my Teacher.

Because I trust that Teacher, I'm going to believe His love is enough to face the challenges in front of me.  Because I can face my challenges, I'm going to relish the blessings he provides in that fight.  Because I'll relish those blessings, you may just see some smiles.

Your word is a lamp to my feet, a light to my path.