Build It

"Anyone who listens to my teachings and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won't collapse because it is built on bedrock. "

Approximately two weeks ago I made my annual migration south, with my final destination set for Hobe Sound, FL as I have for the past two winters. During my drive I had 16+ hours to reflect on the past weeks, and months, that a busy tournament schedule had brought to me. From May to the end of September I had been traveling from place to place with almost no stop, accumulating experience and oil changes along the way. 

Cruising along with no issues and somewhere on the endless interstates, my radio scanning delivered me a message I wasn't prepared for. "As we watch Hurricane Matthew, we are now expecting a more westward shift than the previous week's forecast gave, the South East side of Florida will likely be hit directly." The words that came across the radio surprised me, as I had checked the forecasts of this hurricane for the prior week. They had all shown some contact with the coast line, but not enough that I was concerned to be in the area. 

"I'll be fine", I thought. "I've been through countless Midwest thunderstorms and multiple tornado warnings." Besides, I needed to get down to Florida and prepare for first stage of q-school, a hurricane in its own right. If you are not aware of what q-school is, it is a series of four tournaments that qualify you for the web.com tour. In order, they are called: pre-qualifying, first stage, second stage, final stage. You must pass through each tournament to earn playing rights on the Web.com tour. The top players from the web.com tour earn PGA Tour cards. 

There are certain exemptions players can earn from various places across the world to exempt them into the different stages of q-school. I was exempt into the second tournament, called first stage. Q-school is very expensive, and only happens once per year at the end of the season. It's not a right to be there, many professionals who don't play well during the season will not go. The combination of all these factors make for some of the highest pressure golf has to offer.

After making it though hurricane Matthew and spending a week preparing for first stage, my game and mind felt ready for what was ahead of me. Although this was my first time playing q-school, I knew that I was prepared to make it through. After all, I had just had my best summer to date. I felt no reason that my standard game wouldn't advance through this stage. As the tournament started nerves came and went as they always do. The ball was flying how I expected it to, and hardly any putts were going in through the first two rounds. I stood at even par through two rounds. I was right around the cut line and feeling confident I could make a few putts and improve my position.

Then the forecast changed in round three, and a different type of hurricane hit me head on.

As the round started my frustration with my putter from the first two rounds carried over. One three putt, a bad decision on a par three, and in the span of 8 minutes I went from inside the cut line to outside of it. Irritated because I had been striking it great and not taking advantage of it, and pressing because I needed to make up ground, the mistakes started to add up. 

At the end of the storm I tapped in for an 81.

Although it was the worst score I've shot in a very long time,  the real storm was going through my mind that day:

"You've wanted to play this tournament your whole life to do this?"

"You say you love pressure, here you are at the peak of it, and look at what you're doing."

"This could be your only shot to ever play q-school."

"Everyone is waiting to see your score online today."

"How long are you going to be able to play this game?"

That is a small glimpse of what was flying through my mind during that day. As I sit here and type those words it seems impossible that I could even entertain thoughts like that. Writing them and reading them shows me that those thoughts come from a place I don't want to be. The third round of first stage was the hardest round of golf I've ever had to go through in my life. It was a round that could de-rail a competitive career. From the outside world perspective, it was as if I had spent the last 12 years of my life preparing for this and failed. It was a round that if my hope, happiness, and life depended on my golf score then I would most likely quit. 

I'm glad that is not where my hope, happiness, and life lay. 

Golf and life in general are full of storms and shifting sand. Money comes and goes. Opportunities come and go. People come and go. Sound investments fail. Great putts lip-out. Dependable people let you down. The game seems easy, then it seems hard. Literally everything in this world can leave you at a moments notice and it's completely out of your control. 

3 years ago I was a different person. At the whim of a good or bad tournament round, my whole perspective could change. I relied on my golf score to validate myself as a person. I had built my life around something that constantly shifted and changed, which was not a great place to be. As hard as I practice, and as much as I love this crazy game, golf can be taken from me very quickly. If I believe that, then why would my happiness be based on a game that is out of my control?

BUILD A LIFE BASED ON SOMETHING THAT CANT BE TAKEN FROM YOU

For me, Gods love is my bedrock. For me, this crazy journey I'm on is showing me that you really can lean and rely on Him, through all the storms that will be thrown your way.

My 2016 season has come to an end, and I'm uncertain of what the future will bring. In the meantime, I plan to keep going, keep building, and keep learning.

This year has been truly amazing for me, not because of any golf score. I have met so many new great people and shared memories with them I'll never forget.  I would like to thank everyone who has reached out to me over the course of this year with encouragement and support, I'm very thankful to you. 

Thanks for following!

God bless

KEEP GOING

The last sentence of Hebrew 12:1 reads: Let us run with perseverance the race marked before us..

"You're tired this is going on too long"
"My legs are going to be so sore I won't be able to practice today!"
"Where in the heck am I even at?"
"Just stop for a little bit then you can go again"

One morning at 6 a.m. in the summer of 2013 these were thoughts going through my head, and trust me they were LOUD.

I was in the middle of a long run, not exactly sure where I was, and getting lapped by a 45 year old bald guy that's 6 inches shorter than me.  This was a typical scene during my summer mornings from my freshman to junior year in college.  Every summer I worked at a golf course in Newton, IA doing a little bit of everything: pro-shop work, course maintenance, bar-tending, etc.  During those summers I was mentored(best term I can think of) by a pro from the area.  I helped run junior camps, got involved with lessons, and just really learned a lot.  Some of you who read this probably already know who I'm talking about from my previous description.  Anyhow, this mentor of mine always organized a workout for myself and other high school varsity level golfers in the area and they would start at 6 a.m. usually three or four days a week.  Please, do not envision a bunch of nerdy golf kids in a gym tossing around some weights and being dressed really nice because that's definitely not what these workouts were about. It was a common scene for us to be running up and down hills with medicine balls above our heads, doing pull-ups or planks at the elementary school playgrounds, sprinting and long jumping at the high school track, or running through knee high wet fescue around the golf course.  Do you think this is excessive for golf? I don't.

During this particular morning, we were given a brief description of what we were doing before it started.  Usually we would all just show up, loosen up, and follow.  No real structure just go as hard as you can as long as you can and KEEP GOING.  (Now that I think about it I'm pretty sure he didn't even know what the workouts were going to look like before they started!) The day's workout was going to be the long run, or endurance testing.  11 miles stopping only three times to do a set of planks or pushups and not a second wasted during the stops.  For an average person, I would consider that pretty tough. I generally enjoy running but I hadn't ever run that far, and if I did I wouldn't have gone at the pace we did.  Keep in mind though I had no idea what we were doing or where we were going when it started. This is generally how his comments to us would sound, and the thought that would come into my head after the comment..

Mile 1: "Keep going!" Me - Feeling great I'm going to win today

Mile 2: "Keep going!" Me - I'm going to catch him today

Mile 3: "Keep going!" Me - Ok, not gaining ground just keep your pace

Mile 4: "Keep going!" Me - Sh#* he is pulling away

Mile 5: "Keep going!" Me - This sucks just try and finish

Mile 6: "Keep going!" Me - Where am I even at

Mile 7: (turns around to make sure I'm not lost)"Keep going!" Me - Dang he is making me look bad

Mile 8: "Keep going!" Me - Ok Matthew just keep going

Mile 9: "Keep going!" Me -Keep your knees up and keep going

Mile 10:"keep going!" Me- Alright we are getting close let's keep going

Mile 11:"Last mile Keep going!" Me - You've got a little left in the tank hammer it out!

It's taken me a few years to realize what those workouts and what struggle really does for a person. For me, not only did these workouts train my body, they trained me in listening to the right voice. There is always two sets of voices I battle with when going through something hard. One is very loud and always speaks against the challenge, usually seeking out an easier option. The other voice though, the one that is usually quiet, brings thoughts of belief. 

WE HAVE A CHOICE WHICH VOICE TO LISTEN TOO. 

I feel like I've learned a very important lesson this summer and it stems from this very thought. 

For a long time I've battled with the idea of shooting very low scores consistently. The idea of "taking it deep" or going "scuba" always seemed to be hard to me. I don't mean that I never shot a low golf score, I mean that I just was not very comfortable while doing it compared to some of my peers. When the conditions got tough however, I loved it. It always seemed my chances for success were much better when course conditions, weather conditions, or just the tournament in general was a tough challenge. 

During my sophomore year of college I did everything I could to solve this problem, as I wanted to shoot a "deep" score desperately. I searched out every well know psychologist  book I could find and put more notes and time into that than I ever did with a college text book. I met with our schools sports psychologist professor every week to figure out how I could be better at this. I relentlessly studied the interviews and press conferences of PGA Tour winners after they had won to see if there was anything I could pick out to help. What did I get? 4 more years of not being able to consistently turn a birdie, birdie, birdie start into a 64. 4 more years of ripping myself apart for not being able to close out a great round. Every single time I had the chance to post a really great number the whole back nine I would be battling with those voices inside my head about how this was finally it, or I could finally post a number that would "wow" everyone. 

Well, after 4 years of research and struggle, I found what works...

This phrase has been written in my yardage book, that virtually goes everywhere with me, for the past 4 weeks. 

In the past 4 weeks, I've made more birdies than I've ever made in my life with this phrase going through my head whenever I start to feel like things are going my way. I know that might sound crazy that I would battle with having success, but I'm being honest with you. In 100% honesty, when I remind myself to keep going all that loud noise from the wrong voice seems to go away. Here is what some of that noise sounds like:

"Dude take it scuba this week!"

"If you post this can you imagine what you'll be able to do!"

"Big money to the guy who can finish top 5 this week"

"Did you see what ______ shot yesterday!"

When the noise gets loud: keep going.

When you bogey the first: keep going.

When you birdie 1,2,&3 : keep going.

When money gets tight: keep going.

When success comes : keep going.

Am I saying that I've figured out the magic formula to always shoot a low score? Heck no. I realize how hard golf is, how fleeting success is, and how hard you have to work at this game. I'm saying I know why I wasn't able to close consistently. I used to always be thinking about what it would mean to everybody else or what opportunity a great round might bring. Now, I just choose to listen to the right voice. I'm going to see where it takes me, so far it's been amazing. 

I will keep going, I hope you will too.

Thanks for following!

God bless

Into The Deep, Deep West

"Enter the freeway"

"Stay on this road for 3,300 miles"

Over the past couple weeks, I have put some mileage on my car and had quite the experience while doing it. After leaving Hobe Sound, FL for the winter I've had many pit stops on the way to Vancouver. They include: Tampa, Memphis, Iowa, Montana, Washington, and finally Vancouver, B.C.

For those who are unaware of why I'm in Canadian territory: I went to Canadin qualifying school in March, and gained conditional status for PGA Tour Canada. Essentially what this means is that I missed getting a card by a couple shots, but there is still a possibility I will play some tournaments on this tour. So, for a month, I will be going from tournament to tournament, hoping to get in, and if I dont, trying to Monday qualify into the event. My reasoning for this is what the tour calls a reshuffle. After the 4th and 8th events, there is a "reshuffle" of everyone's status for the tour. This status is based on how much money a player has made. So my tentative (I always say tentative) plan is to try and raise my status in the first four events, and try to raise my status. In doing so by just passing 10-15 players I would be able to play without worry of getting into tournaments for the remainder of the season.

Alright, enough with the details. Maybe you're thinking, "What would posses a guy to drive 3,300 miles to try and qualify for something that only might happen?"

Well, that's what I'm about to tell you. 

During my final round of qualifying school things were not going my way. Going into the last hole sitting at +3 for the day and -2 for the tournament, I felt like a wounded boxer at the end of a long fight. I had just battled my guts out for 71 holes and on the final day I couldn't get anything going my way. While I shot my worst score that day, somehow it felt like I had done great work to be +3 on the final hole. Some days golf is like that. As I walked off the final green I pretty much already knew where I would stand for the tour. Dropping 3 shots would take me out of having a card, and put me into conditional status territory, which I explained earlier. Scenarios started running through my head; should go to Canada? Would it be with it? Could I afford it? How many tournaments will I get?

My mind was going nuts and so I did what I know has worked for me, pray. I simply stated and asked that if I'm supposed to go, then I knew He would take care of the details. Maybe 15 seconds, simple as that.

I'm amazed at how quickly God can work things out. The next day I was about to leave work, but for some reason decided to stay an extra 20 minutes to help out someone who seemed to be in a log jam. While doing this I ran across a two good friends that I hadn't seen in 3-4 weeks and we got to talking about what just happened to me at qualifying school. These friends told me they wanted to help me out and felt I should go to Canada and not have to sleep in my car. (You can laugh)

So here I am in Vancouver, amazed at where God is taking me in this journey . 

Driving across South Dakota and Montana, nervous and excited I thought about the story in Luke where Jesus says to Simon, "Put out into the deep and let down your nets for a catch." 

For those who don't know, Jesus was using Simons boat to preach to people on the shore, after Simon had a long day of catching zero fish in the shallow water. When Jesus dropped this line, Simon probably thought he was crazy. Simon was an expert fisherman, and knew exactly where the fish usually are at certain times of the day. From his experience there was no chance they would catch a single fish in the deep water that time of day.

They caught so many fish their nets started tearing and the boat almost sank.

As I walked off the last green of qualifying school I was considering staying in the shallow water. Tournaments around home in Iowa, things people and places I'm used to. May is a slow month for pro golf in the Midwest and I would spend a lot of time practicing getting ready for June through August. On paper that sounds great.  I was trying to tell myself the risk wouldn't be worth it.  Through the work of my friends He has told me to go the the deep water.

As I write this I just went through my first Monday qualifier unsuccessfully. I learned a good lesson though that I'll apply next time. 

Obviously my aim is to play the best I can, get into tournaments and win tournaments. That's why I practice hard and that's part of why I love competition so much. That's why I'll spend the next 5 days at the course sharpening my game. But what I'm realizing is to be open to the idea that God may have extra plans for me here, some that I could have never seen coming. The idea of that makes me smile. I can't wait to see what He has in store in the deep water. I hope it's so great my boat can't even float :)

The journey continues,

Thank you for following!

God Bless!

Freedom In The Chaos

What's your status?

Where have you been playing?

Where is Henderson State?

Somewhere on the front nine of almost every tournament round I play, one of these three questions is thrown into the conversation. I'm always quick to answer, but lately I've been thinking about some of these conversations and have grown to understand something about them.

If you're involved in tournament golf, or anything competitive, I'm sure you've experienced something similar. What I'm referring to is the moment when people evaluate each other and "size somebody up". 

Take a step into a competitive golf practice round, especially a professional one at the "mini-tour" level and you'll see plenty of what I'm talking about. Under the calm exterior of a professional golfer in these times is often what I would call chaos. Constant comparison to others, questions about belonging, and feelings of insecurity often run through your mind, and I'm no stranger to them. 

I'd like to share with you my opinion about these moments, and what I've found to give me freedom in the chaos.

I'm writing this after just finishing a qualifying tournament for the Candian Tour. If you didn't know me, you could have picked me out pretty quickly with a couple clues. Look for the kid with no caddy, a squeaky push cart, and a ping bag so worn out you would wonder if he bought it in the 90's. Many of my competitors have club sponsorships, and much more experience than me, so it is sometimes easy for me to fall into the trap of inadequacy and comparison.

During my warm-up for the first round I found myself more nervous than normal, simply by checking out my surroundings. All I was doing was evaluating myself against other people, and it was showing up in my ball flight. Hook, slice, chunk, thin, we're all on display for any wandering eyes. Tin Cup would have said, "My swing feels like and unfolding lawn chair!" To keep it in context, there was chaos going on in my head. 

I walked to the first tee that morning not exactly feeling confident about where my golf ball would fly. As I was given my scorecard by the starter and introduced myself to the players in my group, there was still plenty of "chaos" still floating through my mind. 

As I was waiting for my introduction to hit my tee shot, I took a moment to remind myself that I was standing on that tee box for a reason.  I knew God had placed the people and situation perfectly into my life for me to be able to play in that golf tournament. It wound up being close to my house, it fell in a week I was able to take off work, and I even had someone want to help pay for the tournament right when I had been feeling some financial stress. Needless to say I had no doubt God was at work for me to be standing on that tee box. Simply reminding myself of that, plus the fact that my real "status" has already been secured allowed the chaos to leave my mind and the tension to flow out of my body. Not surprisingly, I made a free swing and sent the ball right down my target line and into the middle of the first fairway, a far cry from what just happened 5 minutes prior on the driving range. 

Whatever situations we are in during chaotic times in life, we can free ourselves from them by remembering what really matters. Gods love is the only thing that really matters in life, and constantly comparing yourself against other people is not believing in that love. You are exactly where you need to be, grow yourself and grow your faith. 

Thanks for following and God bless!! I'll be spending some time in Canada this summer! :)

Rolling The Dice

               Rolling The Dice

"Aren't you scared?"

 "It sure is hard out there isn't it?"

"How long do you think you will do this?"

"That's kind of risky isn't it?"

"I think it's important to know when to stop"

"Don't you ever get lonely out there?"

Often times when I meet new people the conversation runs a usual course. Where are you from, what do you do type of questions that anyone would expect. Only a couple days ago someone used the term "rolling the dice" to describe what I am doing.  Im always eager to tell people I am pursuing my dream of playing professional golf because they have interesting comments. Some of the above lines are comments I hear often.  

I want to take this rainy Florida Thursday morning to tell you all how I view these conversations and how I view my "security". 

Northwest Arkansas

Above is one of my favorite pictures that I snapped in Northwest Arkansas one night while driving.  If I had enough time I would show each one of the people I meet who give me their free untested advice this picture. 

I don't view my journey as one with a time limit, or one where I'm rolling the dice on my career.  "But you could use your college education and have a nice guaranteed income", some would say. My thoughts are this - God has given me a gift and a passion for competitive golf, and my mission is to use those gifts for His glory no matter where on this earth they take me. Knowing He has it all mapped out is my security. I have to listen and follow to where it is He needs me. 

In my view the real risk would be to ignore His guidance and choose to try and have money or worldly things as your security. To me, THAT is scary. Choosing to ignore Gods gift to you and follow what everyone else tells you do to is truly rolling the dice.

I want to be clear I'm not knocking on those people who are using their college educations or have great jobs. I'm simply saying in my belief it's important to use what the Lord has given you, regardless of what job or walk of life it is.

Those who knew me in high school or even my early years in college may be surprised by everything I'm saying. All I can say is that the last few years of my life have by far been the most amazing of my life since I've started to follow and listen to the right voice. 

In many ways I feel my journey is like the picture of the road. I can't see exactly where I'm headed except for what is right in front of me, but I can see and feel my security at the end of the road.

Psalm 119:105 - You're word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path

God bless and thanks for following!