Why do we love an underdog?

17 months ago I was preparing to compete in the first stage of the tour's qualifying school for my second attempt to earn a tour card through the qualifying stages.  Unlike my first attempt,  I had some experience as to what my mind was going to go through during what many golf professionals consider "the highest pressure in tournament golf".  Going into the event my physical game felt good enough, and I was going to have a trusted guide caddying for me.  Having someone trusted with you can make a big difference in events that really get your nerves going.  My confidence gauge wasn't full, but I felt the odds were in my favor to advance through the first stage.

Through two rounds of play, I was playing great.  The wind and conditions were difficult (I always enjoy that) and I was reading the greens well which translated to making more than my quota of putts. I was feeling great and full of confidence at the halfway mark.  Shortly after the round I ran into a friend who was also competing and he gave me a quick congrats on my play that had me in 2nd place.  We encouraged each other to keep fighting hard, and he also gave me a heads up to the current leader I would be playing with in the third round.  I had no idea who he was talking about, but he informed me that he was a fresh All-American out of college, with big endorsement deals from Nike and PXG.  The way he said it to me I'll never forget, I could feel he had a overwhelming sense of "there is no way I'll ever be as good as him". 

As my guide and I walked to the first tee for the third round, I saw my playing partner who was the world beater that everyone in golf was talking about.  Many characteristics you would imagine described him;  physically in great shape, technically sound, absolute best equipment and clothing,  also friendly! My first impressions were that he was likable and nice, it's not like I walked to the tee thinking I had to slay a giant.  My mental approach was to play my game and post a score that was good enough to advance through to the next stage, it didn't matter who I was playing with.

What I found over the next nine holes though was very strange.  All the feelings and momentum I had built from the previous two days seemed to completely leave me.  My ball flight and contact started to change, my routines and timing left me, and I couldn't keep my eyes off of what was an absolute ball-striking clinic by my playing partner.  I'm serious, this guy was absolutely flushing it.  Ive seen great strikers, I've competed against many of them before and even caddied for some major champions but this was a clinic in how to hit the golf ball.  I couldn't shake the feelings of indaequacy and doubt about what I was doing.  On the 6th green my guide looked at me and said "whats going on?". He could tell that something inside of me was off.  I took about fifteen minutes to think about it then I told him on the 7th green "I am constantly comparing myself".

Despite a shaky nine holes I was able to straighten the ship, shake off my internal comparison at the time and advance into the 2nd stage with a good final round.

One month later, I failed at 2nd stage, my playing partner made it all the way through to finals and earned his tour card.

Fast forward 17 months to now....

Some days at work I feel like this

For those unaware, the past five years I've spent my winter months in South Florida working as a club caddie while practicing and competing.  It has been a great way to help continue playing tournaments.

Every job has it's monotony, but one great thing I've found in this work so far is it's unpredictability.  The vast majority of days I show up to work I have no idea who I'll be spending four to five hours with. One day I could be paired with someone I've worked for many times, and the next day I could be paired with the Commander in Chief. (not a joke)

The last Wednesday of this past February I'm going about my day like normal.  Over the radio my name gets called out, and I make my way out of the caddie shack toward my boss to get my assignment for the day.  While I'm approaching my boss I see a very familiar face standing next to him.

As I came closer I quickly realized it was my playing partner from qualifying school 17 months ago.

We took a minute to catch up and exchange small talk, then it was all business. His preparation for the day was important.  There was a PGA Tour event in town that week and he had a tee time the following morning.  Playing along with him were two members of the club and his full time tour caddie.

As I watched him prepare and play that day I couldn't help but think about the golf we played 17 months prior.  In a short amount of time he had accomplished the dream I and so many players have longed for.  Like I had 17 months prior, I watched in awe of how good the ball was flying. I started to feel as the day went on what a underdog I am in comparison to this player.  Not only did this player have a high set of skills he also had:

- Consultation from PGA Tour level instructors for different areas of his game
- The best and newest equipment
-Sponsorships, exemptions, and the highest level of "access" into professional golf
-Multiple years of experience of traveling the country to compete against the very best of his age

He played fairly solid that day, and would play great that week on the PGA Tour finishing inside the top ten and cashing a big check.  My mind couldn't help but see what I had in comparison to this player and how people and the world around me would view what I have in comparison to him:

-Less talent
-Can't swing the club as fast
-No money, no exemptions, no promise
-Spends time working to support playing career
-Started golf at a later age and has never competed on the highest level

I sat there and wondered how could I really begin to even think I'm capable of being as good as this player.  Not only him, but the many others like him, along with the every other tour player that has already established themselves on the highest level.  Am I crazy? Delusional? Should I give up?

There are many other underdogs like me out there in many facets of life.  In sports or in business, the stories of when an individual or team overcomes great odds inspires us.  You can hardly turn on your t.v. without finding a movie about someone who overcame something.  For as long as I can remember I've always cheered for the "little guy".  I never knew why I loved an underdog, for a while I thought maybe it had something to do with growing up in a very small community. In my opinion the greatest and most exciting moments in sports are when something happens that's not supposed to happen. During a season where we focus on the madness of great over-achievers, who would you think in a fight or competition is the greatest underdog of all time?  It's not the 1980 U.S. Olympic Hockey team.  It's not Valvano and the '83 Wolfpack. It's not Rocky Balboa.  It's not even sister Jean and Loyola-Chicago in the final four.

The biggest underdog in history was a shepard boy named David. You may have heard of him, he killed a giant named Goliath.  

I won't write out the story because it's highly likely you've already heard it.  It's also likely that some of you who read this will think I'm talking about a fairly tale.  I suggest you do some research.  Anyways, after my experience at work and really looking at my odds I decided to go back and refresh myself on the account of David slaying the giant and closely look at what the greatest underdog of all time went through.  When reading through the story a couple times it was hard not to notice some things.

-David was extremely out matched in size, ability, and experience
-David's equipment was out matched
-Goliath scoffed at him and called him a dog
-Davids family didn't believe in him or his motives
-The entire nations fate was on his shoulders

In the midst of these circumstances what made David actually believe he could win?  It's not just as if David was thrown into this fight by somebody else, he volunteered for it against his brother's wishes.  How was he able to have a such faith?  After all the bible tells us God described David as a man after his own heart.  David was able to win because his faith was not in himself.  He believed that God had already delivered him through many other battles and this would be nothing more than another victory for the Lord.

As I get prepared to embark on another summer of golf and Lord willing another opportunity at qualifying school, how can I learn from the greatest of underdogs? Let's be real here, there is a little difference between battling for your nation versus playing golf, but that doesn't mean I can't learn from David.  I'm in a season of struggle where my golf is at a real low point relative to the last three years. I have family members suggesting to me to try something else, and I'm not able to devote a full amount of time to practice right now.  The odds are firmly stacked against me.

I ultimately take away from the account that David had true unwavering faith in the Lord.  He believed the Lord supplied him with what he needed in his training and his equipment.  He believed the Lord was with him and would not fail.  The Lord cannot fail, confidence in Him is true confidence. Confidence in literally anything else can and has faded away.  My faith in the Lord's providence does not necessarily mean He will deliver me to the PGA Tour, it does mean that He is preparing me and has given me what I need to have success for whatever battle He wills me to fight.

My original question was, "why do we love an underdog?". In my opinion, the real reason we love an underdog is because deep inside us we long for someone to overcome the ugliness and troubles that life in this fallen world guarantees us. 

The good news is that Jesus Christ has already done it.

John 16:33 "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart! I have overcome the world"

Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.

Child's Play

Matthew 19:13-14

Then people brought little children to Jesus for Him to place his hands on them and pray for them.  But the disciples rebuked them.  Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." 

My first peek into the professional golf world came in a similar fashion to most kids. 

Watching the PGA Tour events on television started to capture my imagination and attention around the age of 13.  I specifically remember watching the Masters tournament for the first time in 2004 when Phil Mickelson birdied the 18th hole to beat Ernie Els.  The inspiration I received from watching led to many hours of imitation and helped kindle my ever growing passion for competitive golf.  In the summer after 7th grade, I remember Dad scoring tickets to the John Deere Classic in the Quad Cities.  He, plus my grandparents and I loaded up and made the two hour trip east on Interstate 80.  My memory can vividly recall so many of the players and shots I watched that day.  I left in utter amazement of the entire experience.  I remember wondering how these players got to that point and what somebody had to accomplish to get to the PGA Tour.

Fast forward to August of 2012 and I'm seven years further down my journey, getting ready to go into my junior season at Henderson State.  I'm having some success at the time, and absolutely loving the process of getting better and honing my craft.  In the back of my mind I knew after graduating I wanted to play professional golf, but I didn't know exactly where and how I would get started. When you're not an All-American or don't have a pile of money ready at your disposal, the road isn't as clear cut.  I understood what Qualifying School was, what mini-tours were, and the step-by-step process a player would go through to get there.  All I wanted at the time was an opportunity to "grind" with the guys striving to get on the PGA Tour.  I loved practice, travel, and competition.  In a child like mindset, all I wanted was to do what I loved.

During that summer of 2012, and the following summer of 2013 I played in the Iowa Open.  For me those two weeks were opportunities to test myself against the state open "level", which always hosts great players.  You will consistently see the best club professionals from that state, mini-tour players, and the states best amateur players.  Many of the mini-tour players or even some of the club professionals have at some point had a high level of success, maybe some PGA Tour starts, or maybe a few of the amateurs have had recent high success in the national amateur scene.  In short, it was a great way for me to assess my skills vs there's and to learn what "chasing the dream" was all about.  

I didn't light up the world those two weeks, but I did manage to make the cut.  The experience was so valuable at the time.  I specifically recall playing with two players who have had some recent success, one is a member of the PGA Tour and another now on the Web.Com Tour.  Being able to get an up close look at what tour caliber golf was, I left with a specific thought.

"I can do this."

That's not all I took away, however.  

I remember the overall mentality and attitudes I felt from many players those two weeks.  I got the sense of discouragement, cynicism, and negativity from so many players.  Comments they made about themselves, how the money(purse) that week was terrible, or their games had an overwhelmingly dreadful outlook.  This was something I was shocked at during the time.  I didn't understand it then, but when you play for your income vs. playing for fun as an amateur golfer there is a whole extra mental aspect to the results.  To my in-experienced mind these players were closer to "making it" than anyone else, and here they were with some of the worst attitudes I had ever seen.  I knew the guys weren't rich that played mini-tour events, but after all they were getting a chance to chase after something they had most likely worked towards for a long time.  All I could think at the time was, "why"?

In short, I saw a lot of this..

It made such an impression on me that in the spring of 2014 right before I was about to embark on my professional journey, I wrote this in my journal...

"One of the most important elements for me to have a successful professional career will be my overall mental outlook on my career and life (perspective). Throughout my time playing competitively I have seen many poor attitudes and players that are detrimental to themselves.  Especially in the experience I gained in the last two Iowa Open's, I saw many players that seemed miserable playing golf professionally. Even though the Iowa Open and "state open" level isn't an extremely high level like the PGA Tour or Web.Com Tour, the opportunity to play professionally is something to not be taken for granted. Many people in this world beg for any type of work, and here I sit with this opportunity.  I will need to keep a positive, resilient attitude to have long term success.  Also, and most importantly, I will need to keep my identity in Christ, not in my golf game.  Ultimately I don't have complete control of my future so I cannot put my identity in golf because I could end up in another field.  This is out of my control, but having Christ at the center of my life is within my 

control."

Simple enough, right?

Junior golf at Cardinal Hills

Over the past seven years I've had the opportunity to be involved in a lot of junior golf in my neck of the woods thanks to my friend John Shawver.  "Free Junior Golf Saturdays" at Fore Seasons in Newton, IA was the theme for this summer.  If I wasn't away competing on a Saturday there was no chance I was going to miss seeing these kids.  The time spent with them is always worthwhile, their spirit is infectious and they are always genuine.  I've tried to learn while watching them, here is what I've gathered.

Kids (almost always)

- Trust their teacher.  They inherently understand they don't know as much.

- Believe in themselves.  If you give them a challenge, they try repeatedly until they accomplish it.

- Relish positive outcomes.  If they hit 1 good shot and 10 bad ones, you'll hear about the good one.

- Enjoy playing.  You'll always hear laughing, and see smiling.

Simple enough, right?

Chipping contests with Landon

Obviously everyone loses their way at times, but I always seem to learn things the hard way.  I've sensed a change in myself going on this season that I haven't been able to vocally articulate.  Armed with what I know from my Iowa Open experiences plus what I know from junior golf, I assumed that keeping perspective would be something that I can tackle easily.

- Why then did I throw my 4-iron into a gator infested lake in April while playing a casual round with friends? That doesn't seem very joyful. 

- Why then does playing well now feel like "what I'm supposed to do" instead of something I can relish?

- Why then do I find myself making casual pessimistic comments about my game instead of believing I have what it takes?

- Why then have I found myself doubting teachers who have poured so much into my life?

Based on the above truths that have been occurring in my life, I can say with assurance my perspective has been gradually slipping.  I know the skeptics are thinking, "well you're finally just facing the reality you're not going to make it".  Possibly they'll say, "many players have to face the music".  It wouldn't shock me if "you're finally seeing how hard it is," crossed their mind.

Sorry to disappoint skeptics, you are wrong.

Goofing around after practice 

So much of our perspective is based on what the world tells us about ourselves.  I often refer to it as the "noise".  The noise is any comment or thought we hear in daily life that sticks in our minds as a way to define ourselves. Where does this noise come from? It can come from almost anywhere but here are some examples:

-Friends

-Acquaintances 

-Family

-Co-workers

-Social Media

-T.V.

-Competitors

The noise doesn't always sound the same, I'm sure many of my golfing brethren can attest to that.  When you're growing up and improving rapidly confidence comes easily.  Many people surrounding you are quick to tell you how great you're doing, and how you are bound for success.  This easily leads to arrogance and pride, which would definitely describe my 18 year old-self.  When you start listening and believing that noise, you take form to whatever it tells you.

Likewise, when you turn professional and start pursuing the tour, the noise takes on a different tone.  When things go your way people are quick to jump in your boat, but when they are not going your way people start to question what you are doing.  They don't do it in a confrontational way, sometimes it's even in a caring way. Comments I've gotten this year vary. This summer I was told, "you have a time limit", and just yesterday I was told "you should get your amateur status back".  Peers, competitors, and professionals who are no longer competing love the social media narrative, "golf is hard". Competitive golf can be hard! However, it becomes a lot harder when you're losing your perspective on why you started playing it in the first place.

The golfing world likes to tell me that unless I'm on the PGA Tour and living in a multi-million dollar house, I'm struggling.  The reality is I'm typing this on my apple lap-top. The reality is I'm not wondering where my next meal is coming from. The reality is if you're reading this, you're likely living in some of the greatest luxury the world has ever known. 

This kid makes everybody smile, I promise

Now that the off-season has come for me, I'm facing the question of how do I recover my slipping perspective?  The truth is I don't think I can do the saving myself.  I'll need help in climbing back up that hill, but for now I'm going to do the best I can to play like a child in the 2018-2019 season.  This doesn't mean I'm disregarding proper strategy.  It doesn't mean I'm going to care less.  It doesn't mean I'm going to goof around more. What it does mean is I'm going to trust my Teacher.

Because I trust that Teacher, I'm going to believe His love is enough to face the challenges in front of me.  Because I can face my challenges, I'm going to relish the blessings he provides in that fight.  Because I'll relish those blessings, you may just see some smiles.

Your word is a lamp to my feet, a light to my path.

The Numbers

Phillippians 2:13 

"For it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill His good purpose."

Unless you live under a rock, you may have noticed something about our culture.  We are obsessed with numbers.  Just take a look around you and you'll see what I'm talking about.  Every single time any news is reported, a statistic is included.  Any time a person does something significant, it's measured and compared to someone else.  Heck, even when I post this blog I'll be able to see how many people viewed it, when they viewed, how they viewed, and what country they viewed it from.  Do you use social media? Every button you press while using it is being analyzed.  As someone who is always seeking knowledge I find this natural. In our desire to learn and understand, we analyze the numbers.  There is hardly anything I can think of in this world anymore that isn't somehow analyzed, measured, or given a quantifiable figure to define it.  We desire to understand the world we are living in and I'm no different.  I analyze the world around me constantly.  I'm not suggesting we are all like Dustin Hoffman in Rain Man, but it's hard for me to ignore our cultures obsession.  We measure everything, and golf is no different.  

Allow me to illustrate what I mean.

If you keep up with the golf world you've probably seen or heard some new things and words being used in the past ten years, but especially the last three to five.  Data driven golf has taken over the game, and you'd be hard pressed to find a tour professional who isn't somehow incorporating it into his game.  Let's start with the most known and popular piece of technology, a 25,000$ orange box. This orange box is called Trackman, it measures club and ball data through the hitting area of a golf shot.  It is just one of many new measuring tools being used by the best in the world. 

If you're watching on tv, trackman will produce numbers like these (left side of the screen) and another technology called pro-tracer will track the ball.

This data tracking has become so common that if you stand on a PGA Tour or European Tour range during warm-up or practice round days, you'll probably see more guys checking out their numbers than not.

It doesn't stop there.  Oh no we are only getting started! Your performance on the course is now becoming more quantifiable.  Statistical programs are being used by almost every tour professional and I'm no different.  In fact, I'm using two of them!  One is called ShotByShot and the other DECADE.  Here is a small glimpse of the numbers I'm able to gather from each.

It doesn't stop there either. Golf course management, planning, green reading, and decision making have all becoming quantifiable and measured by numbers. Here is what a PGA Tour yardage book looks like inside.

Ever wonder what the heck a tour pro may be looking at in a yardage book when he only has a eight foot putt left to finish the round? He's looking at numbers. Here's a peek at a professional greens book that many pros are using. 

I could go on and on but I imagine you get my point.  We are obsessed with measuring and counting.  Now, before you go thinking that I'm about to spit out some old-school mumbo jumbo about how this all takes away your feel and it's not natural let me stop you right there. I am a HUGE fan of all this data.  Why? 

As the old saying goes "the ball doesn't lie". 

When I analyze with numbers Ive felt it helps eliminate that odd opinion of another that could potentially lead me down the wrong road.  The numbers are non-biased, fact based, and most importantly measure everyone the same way.  I find that extremely useful. I could tell you everything from my spin loft and average attack angle on my driver in 2016 to my current make percentage in the past month from sixteen feet.  Ive used every piece of information and technology listed above and anything else I felt could make me better.  My desire to improve, gain knowledge, and compete led me to do so.

It also led me into a common trap that a lot of us fall into and one that is not new to me... 

Self - Reliance. 

I sit here writing to you in amazement of how hard this game can be.  A string of bad golf over the past few weeks combined with a recent neck issue and I'm humbled yet again.  How is it that I could be technically swinging as well as I ever have been, have more data than ever before, more experience than ever before, and struggling?  Well after beating my head against a wall I'm wondering the same thing!  So I decided to look back over some old stuff and see what I could find. I'm grateful that I made writing a habit when I was around a senior in high school, because now at times like these I can learn from where I've come from to how I've gotten to this point.  Opening up some old journals and scanning over them I didn't find and old swing thought that clicked.  There wasn't any trackman data that made me realize what's wrong.  There were some numbers though that stood out..  

When I look at that picture I don't just see dates and blog posts.  I look at my journal and ironically my personal entries seem to dip in quantity just like the above numbers do.  "So what's the point" you may be thinking. How does journal entries and blog posts lead to a higher golf score and can the two be related?

Yes they can.

2016 was my most successful year to date (in golf terms).  Through all of my struggles and battles up to that point I was consistently learning more about who I am, who God is, and growing closer to Him.  I wrote more because I was discovering good news that I needed to document and share.  However, as soon as I came across a smidge of worldly success and had more data on my hands I subtly and slowly started to change.  Within my own mind I started to justify my success not by my growing closer to God and leaning on Him while struggling uphill, I justified it with my "better technique" and "better numbers".  I started to believe I was the one who was in control and the one who was creating my own success.  I didn't do this intentionally, it slowly and subtly showed.  This realization leads me to understand something that the majority of you who read this won't like to hear (myself included often times).

WE ARE NOT THE AUTHORS OF OUR OWN SUCCESS

Now, before you click the red (x) at the top left of your screen hear me out.  

In 2005 when I began this journey in golf I was a 13 year old kid who had nothing better to do than go hit some golf shots.  I couldn't break 85 for 18 holes if you asked me and I grew up playing on a nine hole golf course that is 3000 yards if you stretch it out, with greens that run 9 on the stimp meter if you're putting downhill.  I had no AJGA membership, no professional swing coach, 6 months of play-able weather and a set of old RAM clubs with a Zebra putter.  

(I wore jeans to my first high school match)

The numbers weren't exactly in my favor and anyone with half a brain would say the percentages were against me to have any real success in competitive golf.  I'll tell you what the numbers couldn't measure though...

IMMEASURABLE

UNQUANTIFIABLE

INTANGIBLE

perfect will from a GOD who is

IMMEASURABLE 

UNQUANTIFIABLE

& INTANGIBLE

If you want to believe you are the author of your own success I'm not going to stop you.  You go right on believing you're the captain of your own ship and calculating the numbers to your destination.  I'm going to stick with the Captain who took the 13 year old kid with old RAM clubs to a state championship, multiple collegiate wins, the Mackenzie Tour and the Web.Com Tour, and three different countries all while chasing the same ball he used to chase around the 3000 yard nine hole golf course in rural Iowa.  The Captain of my ship defies the numbers, and when I look back I am in awe of it all.

The odds are you probably don't live under a rock and yes, you've probably seen how numbers obessesed our culture is.  However, you are living on a rock that's floating and spinning in space. I wonder what the odds, percentages, and numbers are on that?

Embracing The Ugly

We can rejoice too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead us to disappointment.

Romans 5:3-5

This past November I stood on the 5th hole of TPC Craig Ranch in 2nd stage of Web.Com Q-School staring down a pretty basic layup shot to pretty basic par five hole.  It was my third of four rounds and I had started on the 10th hole that day so I was closing in on the final holes of my round.  Sitting at -3 for the day, I knew if I could close in -4 or -5 that would put me 1 or 2 shots back of the cut line where a solid final round would get the job done.   Not an easy task considering my 16th and 17th holes were monsters, but the par five I sat on and the par five I would finish on made that outcome very possible. After a mediocre round one and battling tough elements in round two it felt as though I was finally starting to build some positive momentum.

When you're in qualifying school even the basic shots aren't basic. I'm sure anyone who has been through it would agree. One shot means so much.

After my tee shot I had left myself with an uphill 275 yard shot to an easy pin location with no trouble around the green. Although I couldn't reach the green given the conditions our plan was to advance the ball up as close to the green as possible to leave an easy up-and-in for birdie.  After selecting a target and going through my routine I drew the club back with zero indication of any impending disaster.  However, by the time my club head was just past impact I very well knew what had happened.

Early in the 3rd round of 2nd stage

I won't sugar coat it. I hit a giant ugly fat shot. It's common term when a good player hits a shot slightly thin to hear the phrase "thin to win", but I've never heard "fat to win".

I couldn't even look up. I had to take a moment to just cool myself down because my emotions were running so hot. I knew my ball had advanced maybe 150 yards up the fairway and by no means into any trouble, but somehow under the circumstances this shot meant so much more. The par I made on that hole showed up with no color on the scorecard but the stats don't always tell the whole story. Now that I've had some time to clear my mind and get some rest, its so easy to see how this moment and shot was indicative of my 2017 season.

After 36 events in 11 months and a lot of miles, how could I not have something to write about? I've had many things cross my mind but none seemed significant enough to share. My good friend and mentor consistently reminded me that I needed to. I don't think of myself as a writer but I guess I could say I have had some writers block lately.  Finally though, after getting some perspective Ive realized that my problem isn't that there is nothing to write about it's that I haven't wanted to share with you the ugly side of the journey. I'm very grateful for all that I was able to do this past year and all the people I've was able to meet but as for the results side of the year it felt as if there wasn't much to write about. In the glitter-filled instagram world we now live in, maybe this will sound and look a little different than the normal self-promotion that the world foolishly believes is good.

Trunk made peanut butter sandwiches and car crashes. Its a glamorous journey.  

In chasing my dream there is a lot of ups and downs, more often downs than ups.  The failures are often ugly. This year alone I've failed so many times. 

- I hit three balls in the water though Final Stage of Sunshine Tour Finals to just miss my card.  

- I missed making it to U.S. Open sectionals by 1 shot.

- I missed qualifying for the Byron Nelson in May by 1 shot. 

- I missed an easy up and in on my 35th hole in the Texas Open to miss the cut by a shot. 

- I missed qualifying for the John Deere Classic by 2 shots.

- I made a triple bogey with four holes to play in the Herman Sani to finish 3rd after leading the whole tournament.

The failure in results and scores is obvious, but there are other ugly sides to the journey. For example, the time spent away from home can be ugly. 

- I've missed many family holidays
- I wasn't there the day my brother left for the Army
- I haven't got to see very many of my sisters softball games
- I've missed watching some of my friends getting married
- I've missed out on quality time with my parents/grandparents
- I've lost touch with some of my best friends

The financial battle at times can be ugly.

- There are entry fees I haven't been able to pay
- Splitting a hotel room four ways happens more than you think
- It's not that hard to sleep in your car
- Sometimes a tent and a fire will get the job done
- Odd end jobs can be great
- Grind out every shot because every penny matters
- I've never seen a mini-tour offer "benefits" and a company truck

Psychologically there is a ongoing, ugly, battle. 

- I'm often reminded by acquaintances the odds are against me
- Father time doesn't seem to slow down
- Loved ones and family members express doubt and concern
- Peers quit the journey and try to convince you why you should too
- Self doubt is never far away when things aren't going smoothly

There are many times I've drove down the highway after a rough couple days and thought to myself "what the heck am I doing?" I wish I could tell you every moment is filled with belief and determination but the truth is it's just not.  I don't want your pity, I just want to be real with you. No hash tags, no go-fund-me pages, and no instagram videos of me on a squat rack.  The real truth is I struggle in the journey often.  I battle with belief and I sometimes fall into the trap of comparison. There are times I analyze and question if whether or not I am adequte to accomplish my dream.

The road can get ugly, and that is exactly why I will continue to choose it. Instead of pretending it does not exist, I will choose to embrace the ugly. 

I do not know if I will make it to the PGA Tour.  I do know my failures, trials, and challenges will continue to develop my endurance and my character. I do know that God will not disappoint me.


Here's to the fat shots of the past and to the ugly of the future. Embrace it.

My Biggest Fan

Proverbs 3:11-12 ... My son, do not despise the Lord's discipline, and do not resent his rebuke, because the Lord disciplines those He loves, as a father the son he delights in.  

When I was 18 years old, I had the world figured out.

I had a dream. I had a car. I had a craft. I enjoyed it. I was going places. 

It makes me laugh just looking at how many "I's" are in the above phrase.

(There's been some crashes a long the way)

Playing golf and traveling gives me so many opportunities to meet great people, develop relationships and earn fans along the way. Today though, on a rainy New England Friday, I'd like to take a moment to tell you all about my biggest fan.  

From my earliest memories of life my dad has always been by my side.  I have developed many great relationships along my journey but not one has had a greater impact on me than his.  To say I had a blessed childhood because of this man would be a massive understatement.  Looking back and thinking over the memories now makes me smile.  It would be impossible to to put them all in one blog post. Instead I'll try my best to share some stories with you that exemplify what I mean.

Growing up, my dad wore many different hats.

Family leader.

Provider.

Disciplinarian.

Baseball coach.

Basketball coach.

Football coach.

Golf swing coach. ("shot doctor" as he terms it)

The list could go on..

Thinking back and I can recall so many lessons and moments that define me today.  "Always try and do the right thing", "learn from your mistakes", "the value of a hard-earned dollar", "take care of your brother and sister", are all examples.

Thinking back I can remember so many trips in his truck to baseball games, golf tournaments, or just a Sunday morning drive to grab coffee and cruise around town.  Those memories are gold to me. 

There was the time he showed up unannounced to my first college tournament in Mississippi after he said he wasn't going to be able to make it.

There was the time he told me to "smell the roses" before I won't my first tournament in a playoff.

In a golf context, my favorite memory is from the spring of my middle school years.  Each day I would get done with track practice after school and ride my bike home as fast as I could.  After all, the snow had just melted and it was golf season.  With about two or three hours of daylight left the deal always was if I scooped up the dog poop in the front yard we could go play nine holes.  After a sackful of poop we'd throw the clubs in the back of an old beat up Toyota and take the backroad to Monroe for nine holes.  It's funny how after all the things I've done chasing this stupid game that is my absolute favorite memory. 

However, despite all the love, all the valuable lessons and all the support, I fell into a common mindset that many young adults do.  I started to rebel and believe I knew more than my dad.  After all he and others didn't understand me, all the knowledge I had acquired, and all the desire I had to be the best at what I did.  Did I mention that I'm an idiot sometimes?

I fell into the trap of being independent.  Yes, being independent is a trap.  

I don't mean that living in your parents basement at 40 is a good thing, I mean that to live a fulfilling life we depend on others just as they depend on us. It's foolish to think that you can do it all by yourself and you don't need help from others.  I'm not yet where I want to be in my golf career but I couldn't have even come close to where I'm at now without the help from my dad, mom, family, coaches, teammates, teachers, community, etc.  If being independent is the goal, then is being alone the reward? That's not a reward I want.

I needed my dad.

I needed his love.

I needed his discipline.

I needed his guidance.

I needed his comfort.

Sounds an awful lot like the love of another Father I know.

So dad, since I know you're going to read this.. I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like I didn't need you, because I do.  Thank you for being the man you are, and raising our family the way you did.  I can only hope I have the opportunity to do the same one day.

So Father, since I know you're going to read this.. I'm sorry for falling into the trap of independence. I need you, continually. I cannot do this alone. You are the ultimate goal, and it's You who I strive to depend on and live like.  Thank you for providing examples like my dad to go by.  

I'm 25 years old. I don't have the world figured out.

God gave me a dream. God provided me with what I need. God gave me craft to master. God gave me a love for what I do. God is leading me around a big ball teaching me lessons along the way.

The journey continues.

Thank you for following, God bless!

Opening Doors

I'll never forget the time period in my life when I fell in love with golf.

I was 13 years old in a brand new school district as our family had just moved back to Jasper County.  Golf had always been present in my life until that point, but it was never my favorite sport. Tagging along with dad or an occasional junior clinic in the summer didn't compare to the enjoyment I had with baseball, basketball, or football. That all changed however when our family moved and I no longer had all my childhood friends to play a pickup game of basketball or football with.

One day in the spring I joined my Dad, Grandpa, and Uncle in a 9-hole round at our little golf course (Gateway National to those who know it best).  I played great that day and after it was over my score added up to a 42.  "Wow kid that's pretty good" they said.  "You have a nice swing" they said.  In the matter of one round I was hooked.  The preverbial "tuna fork" had rung in my loins as the great Tin Cup would say.

Fast forward to one year later and a transformation was taking place.  I literally couldn't get enough of the game.  A typical routine to my summer days would be to wake up at 5:30am - 6:00 am and get a ride to the course with my grandpa (course superintendent).  Walking 27-36 holes every day was a common thing, combined with practice, studying the pros on tv, and having matches with my new found friends at the golf course as often as possible. If I was forced to be at home you could find me hitting flop shots over pine trees or hitting shag balls into the cornfield next to our house.  Rainy day?  Not a problem! Study old Tiger Woods film and hit balls into a net located in the garage.

Sun up to sun down.

Every Day.

During that time there wasn't a thing I could find about the game that I didn't like.  The challenge of having no backups to cover you, the feeling of a well struck shot, the quiet hours spent practicing alone.  The game felt like it fit so perfectly into my life.

Fast forward to high school and now I had been starting to add some accolades to my new found passion.  Tournament golf only grew my love for the game.  Now I had something to prepare for and combine my love for the game with my competitive drive.  Add those two things together and I started to improve quickly, a few trophies even wound up on the shelf.  Naturally, as dreamers do, I started to wonder how I could play this game for the rest of my life.  I admired and looked up to most of the professionals I watched on t.v.  I started to dream and wonder if I could one day make it there.  Having a good sense of where I was and how far it would take to get there, I knew that the journey would be long and hard.  Strangely though I found that exciting.

When I look back on that time period I sometimes wonder if my family had decided not to move, would I have found the game in the way I did?  It almost seemed as if life could have gone in a million different directions but only one door opened up.

Coincidence?

Sophomore year at Prairie City - Monroe

"Hey man check out this article".  One morning before school, getting a couple extra hours of practice in my teammate brought to my attention an article written by a European Tour player about his journey to the top of the golf world.  I'll never forget the feeling I had reading that article.  He described the travel and endless hours of practicing as grueling.  Callused hands and thousands of traveled miles is what he described as normal. The tone of the article was trying to show people how hard it is to make it as a playing professional.  All I could help but feel is how that was exactly what I wanted.  I didn't know where, when, or how but I specifically remember feeling in my gut I would try something similar.

College golf started to come into the conversation and I began the process of trying to sell myself to golf coaches.  I remember building a resume and sending it to over 100 different schools south of the state of Iowa.  My only requirements were that the weather was better than Iowa's and that I could afford to go to school there.  Out of 100-ish schools, I may have received 10 response emails.  Out of those 10 response emails only one was able to offer a big enough scholarship to make it worthwhile.

1 out of 100.

Coincidence?

After a few weeks at Henderson State as a freshman I wanted nothing more than to go back home.  Being on my own for the first time definitely wasn't easy, but I stuck it out and I can confidently say it turned out to be one of the best decisions of my life. The friendships I made and experiences I had will last me a lifetime.  Thats not even including the amount of practice and competition I was able to put in on top of it being my most affordable option.  Combine all those factors and I can't picture a more perfect situation.

Senior year at Henderson State

After graduation the time had come to make a decision the world would classify as "insane".  I spent my summer after graduation raking bunkers and mowing greens at a local golf course while trying to maintain a competitive playing schedule.  As the end of the summer was rolling around I desperately wanted to find a job at a golf course in the south (preferably Arizona or Florida) where I could continue practicing and playing.  I started to exercise this with any connections I had to people in the those areas.  

Only one job offer came up.

Coincidence?

Team McArthur 2015 Battle for the bell

My time spent as a caddy at McArthur golf club thus far has been nothing short of an awesome experience.  Despite the sometimes long hours of being at work, I have been able to maintain a competitive playing schedule, be surrounded by other great players, make incredible connections and meet many new people all while saving a little money doing it.  Knowing what  I know now, there are not many spots in the country I would be able to accomplish all this... I'm amazed how I wound up there..  

As I sit here typing in Madrid Barajas International Airport waiting for my connection to Johannesburg its hard not to wonder how I wound up on this flight in the first place.  

After a failed attempt at Web.Com Qualifying School last fall I had to re-evaluate my plans for the upcoming season.  The main idea was to play somewhere other than standard min-tour events across the midwest.  While those tournaments are great, playing well in them only benefits you financially.  I found it would be a bonus to play somewhere that would reward good play not just financially but with incentives to move up a higher level.  In my search I had a couple requirements.  Firstly I had to be able afford it and secondly I wanted to have some sort of home base wherever I found myself.  Being in a foreign country it would be a huge benefit to have someone around to be able to answer questions and give advice about traveling in the area.  

The list of tours and information I came up with was interesting.  There were nine different options I had laid out and the one that kept sticking in my mind was a tour called the Sunshine Tour located in South Africa.  

Affordable? Comparative to the others yes.

Incentive to move up another level? Yes. 

 

Home base? The one thing I was missing.

About one week after I had been contemplating over where I would give the upcoming season a shot I walked into work and was in for a surprise.  I began having a conversation with a few of my co-workers.  The topic was over how Danny (fellow caddy) was going to move back to South Africa in a few weeks.  Where was he moving? Johannesburg.  Where is the Sunshine Tour qualifying tournament located? Johannesburg.

Coincidence? I'll leave that up to you. 

Personally I don't believe in coincidences.  Looking through the rear-view mirror of my life and others lives it's easy to see some of the paths, roadblocks, and detours God can send a person down.

As I span over the journey I've been on since I was 13 years old it's hard not to notice some things.  God planted a desire in my heart for competitive golf so strongly that I had no choice but to follow it.  Every time I've come to a crossroads in where my journey could go, there has always been one clear door open.  As I go about stepping into this new open door, I can't wait to see what He has in store. He is true security.  Proverbs 16:9.

The Journey continues,

Thank you for following! God bless!