Embracing The Ugly

We can rejoice too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead us to disappointment.

Romans 5:3-5

This past November I stood on the 5th hole of TPC Craig Ranch in 2nd stage of Web.Com Q-School staring down a pretty basic layup shot to pretty basic par five hole.  It was my third of four rounds and I had started on the 10th hole that day so I was closing in on the final holes of my round.  Sitting at -3 for the day, I knew if I could close in -4 or -5 that would put me 1 or 2 shots back of the cut line where a solid final round would get the job done.   Not an easy task considering my 16th and 17th holes were monsters, but the par five I sat on and the par five I would finish on made that outcome very possible. After a mediocre round one and battling tough elements in round two it felt as though I was finally starting to build some positive momentum.

When you're in qualifying school even the basic shots aren't basic. I'm sure anyone who has been through it would agree. One shot means so much.

After my tee shot I had left myself with an uphill 275 yard shot to an easy pin location with no trouble around the green. Although I couldn't reach the green given the conditions our plan was to advance the ball up as close to the green as possible to leave an easy up-and-in for birdie.  After selecting a target and going through my routine I drew the club back with zero indication of any impending disaster.  However, by the time my club head was just past impact I very well knew what had happened.

Early in the 3rd round of 2nd stage

I won't sugar coat it. I hit a giant ugly fat shot. It's common term when a good player hits a shot slightly thin to hear the phrase "thin to win", but I've never heard "fat to win".

I couldn't even look up. I had to take a moment to just cool myself down because my emotions were running so hot. I knew my ball had advanced maybe 150 yards up the fairway and by no means into any trouble, but somehow under the circumstances this shot meant so much more. The par I made on that hole showed up with no color on the scorecard but the stats don't always tell the whole story. Now that I've had some time to clear my mind and get some rest, its so easy to see how this moment and shot was indicative of my 2017 season.

After 36 events in 11 months and a lot of miles, how could I not have something to write about? I've had many things cross my mind but none seemed significant enough to share. My good friend and mentor consistently reminded me that I needed to. I don't think of myself as a writer but I guess I could say I have had some writers block lately.  Finally though, after getting some perspective Ive realized that my problem isn't that there is nothing to write about it's that I haven't wanted to share with you the ugly side of the journey. I'm very grateful for all that I was able to do this past year and all the people I've was able to meet but as for the results side of the year it felt as if there wasn't much to write about. In the glitter-filled instagram world we now live in, maybe this will sound and look a little different than the normal self-promotion that the world foolishly believes is good.

Trunk made peanut butter sandwiches and car crashes. Its a glamorous journey.  

In chasing my dream there is a lot of ups and downs, more often downs than ups.  The failures are often ugly. This year alone I've failed so many times. 

- I hit three balls in the water though Final Stage of Sunshine Tour Finals to just miss my card.  

- I missed making it to U.S. Open sectionals by 1 shot.

- I missed qualifying for the Byron Nelson in May by 1 shot. 

- I missed an easy up and in on my 35th hole in the Texas Open to miss the cut by a shot. 

- I missed qualifying for the John Deere Classic by 2 shots.

- I made a triple bogey with four holes to play in the Herman Sani to finish 3rd after leading the whole tournament.

The failure in results and scores is obvious, but there are other ugly sides to the journey. For example, the time spent away from home can be ugly. 

- I've missed many family holidays
- I wasn't there the day my brother left for the Army
- I haven't got to see very many of my sisters softball games
- I've missed watching some of my friends getting married
- I've missed out on quality time with my parents/grandparents
- I've lost touch with some of my best friends

The financial battle at times can be ugly.

- There are entry fees I haven't been able to pay
- Splitting a hotel room four ways happens more than you think
- It's not that hard to sleep in your car
- Sometimes a tent and a fire will get the job done
- Odd end jobs can be great
- Grind out every shot because every penny matters
- I've never seen a mini-tour offer "benefits" and a company truck

Psychologically there is a ongoing, ugly, battle. 

- I'm often reminded by acquaintances the odds are against me
- Father time doesn't seem to slow down
- Loved ones and family members express doubt and concern
- Peers quit the journey and try to convince you why you should too
- Self doubt is never far away when things aren't going smoothly

There are many times I've drove down the highway after a rough couple days and thought to myself "what the heck am I doing?" I wish I could tell you every moment is filled with belief and determination but the truth is it's just not.  I don't want your pity, I just want to be real with you. No hash tags, no go-fund-me pages, and no instagram videos of me on a squat rack.  The real truth is I struggle in the journey often.  I battle with belief and I sometimes fall into the trap of comparison. There are times I analyze and question if whether or not I am adequte to accomplish my dream.

The road can get ugly, and that is exactly why I will continue to choose it. Instead of pretending it does not exist, I will choose to embrace the ugly. 

I do not know if I will make it to the PGA Tour.  I do know my failures, trials, and challenges will continue to develop my endurance and my character. I do know that God will not disappoint me.


Here's to the fat shots of the past and to the ugly of the future. Embrace it.

My Biggest Fan

Proverbs 3:11-12 ... My son, do not despise the Lord's discipline, and do not resent his rebuke, because the Lord disciplines those He loves, as a father the son he delights in.  

When I was 18 years old, I had the world figured out.

I had a dream. I had a car. I had a craft. I enjoyed it. I was going places. 

It makes me laugh just looking at how many "I's" are in the above phrase.

(There's been some crashes a long the way)

Playing golf and traveling gives me so many opportunities to meet great people, develop relationships and earn fans along the way. Today though, on a rainy New England Friday, I'd like to take a moment to tell you all about my biggest fan.  

From my earliest memories of life my dad has always been by my side.  I have developed many great relationships along my journey but not one has had a greater impact on me than his.  To say I had a blessed childhood because of this man would be a massive understatement.  Looking back and thinking over the memories now makes me smile.  It would be impossible to to put them all in one blog post. Instead I'll try my best to share some stories with you that exemplify what I mean.

Growing up, my dad wore many different hats.

Family leader.

Provider.

Disciplinarian.

Baseball coach.

Basketball coach.

Football coach.

Golf swing coach. ("shot doctor" as he terms it)

The list could go on..

Thinking back and I can recall so many lessons and moments that define me today.  "Always try and do the right thing", "learn from your mistakes", "the value of a hard-earned dollar", "take care of your brother and sister", are all examples.

Thinking back I can remember so many trips in his truck to baseball games, golf tournaments, or just a Sunday morning drive to grab coffee and cruise around town.  Those memories are gold to me. 

There was the time he showed up unannounced to my first college tournament in Mississippi after he said he wasn't going to be able to make it.

There was the time he told me to "smell the roses" before I won't my first tournament in a playoff.

In a golf context, my favorite memory is from the spring of my middle school years.  Each day I would get done with track practice after school and ride my bike home as fast as I could.  After all, the snow had just melted and it was golf season.  With about two or three hours of daylight left the deal always was if I scooped up the dog poop in the front yard we could go play nine holes.  After a sackful of poop we'd throw the clubs in the back of an old beat up Toyota and take the backroad to Monroe for nine holes.  It's funny how after all the things I've done chasing this stupid game that is my absolute favorite memory. 

However, despite all the love, all the valuable lessons and all the support, I fell into a common mindset that many young adults do.  I started to rebel and believe I knew more than my dad.  After all he and others didn't understand me, all the knowledge I had acquired, and all the desire I had to be the best at what I did.  Did I mention that I'm an idiot sometimes?

I fell into the trap of being independent.  Yes, being independent is a trap.  

I don't mean that living in your parents basement at 40 is a good thing, I mean that to live a fulfilling life we depend on others just as they depend on us. It's foolish to think that you can do it all by yourself and you don't need help from others.  I'm not yet where I want to be in my golf career but I couldn't have even come close to where I'm at now without the help from my dad, mom, family, coaches, teammates, teachers, community, etc.  If being independent is the goal, then is being alone the reward? That's not a reward I want.

I needed my dad.

I needed his love.

I needed his discipline.

I needed his guidance.

I needed his comfort.

Sounds an awful lot like the love of another Father I know.

So dad, since I know you're going to read this.. I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like I didn't need you, because I do.  Thank you for being the man you are, and raising our family the way you did.  I can only hope I have the opportunity to do the same one day.

So Father, since I know you're going to read this.. I'm sorry for falling into the trap of independence. I need you, continually. I cannot do this alone. You are the ultimate goal, and it's You who I strive to depend on and live like.  Thank you for providing examples like my dad to go by.  

I'm 25 years old. I don't have the world figured out.

God gave me a dream. God provided me with what I need. God gave me craft to master. God gave me a love for what I do. God is leading me around a big ball teaching me lessons along the way.

The journey continues.

Thank you for following, God bless!

Opening Doors

I'll never forget the time period in my life when I fell in love with golf.

I was 13 years old in a brand new school district as our family had just moved back to Jasper County.  Golf had always been present in my life until that point, but it was never my favorite sport. Tagging along with dad or an occasional junior clinic in the summer didn't compare to the enjoyment I had with baseball, basketball, or football. That all changed however when our family moved and I no longer had all my childhood friends to play a pickup game of basketball or football with.

One day in the spring I joined my Dad, Grandpa, and Uncle in a 9-hole round at our little golf course (Gateway National to those who know it best).  I played great that day and after it was over my score added up to a 42.  "Wow kid that's pretty good" they said.  "You have a nice swing" they said.  In the matter of one round I was hooked.  The preverbial "tuna fork" had rung in my loins as the great Tin Cup would say.

Fast forward to one year later and a transformation was taking place.  I literally couldn't get enough of the game.  A typical routine to my summer days would be to wake up at 5:30am - 6:00 am and get a ride to the course with my grandpa (course superintendent).  Walking 27-36 holes every day was a common thing, combined with practice, studying the pros on tv, and having matches with my new found friends at the golf course as often as possible. If I was forced to be at home you could find me hitting flop shots over pine trees or hitting shag balls into the cornfield next to our house.  Rainy day?  Not a problem! Study old Tiger Woods film and hit balls into a net located in the garage.

Sun up to sun down.

Every Day.

During that time there wasn't a thing I could find about the game that I didn't like.  The challenge of having no backups to cover you, the feeling of a well struck shot, the quiet hours spent practicing alone.  The game felt like it fit so perfectly into my life.

Fast forward to high school and now I had been starting to add some accolades to my new found passion.  Tournament golf only grew my love for the game.  Now I had something to prepare for and combine my love for the game with my competitive drive.  Add those two things together and I started to improve quickly, a few trophies even wound up on the shelf.  Naturally, as dreamers do, I started to wonder how I could play this game for the rest of my life.  I admired and looked up to most of the professionals I watched on t.v.  I started to dream and wonder if I could one day make it there.  Having a good sense of where I was and how far it would take to get there, I knew that the journey would be long and hard.  Strangely though I found that exciting.

When I look back on that time period I sometimes wonder if my family had decided not to move, would I have found the game in the way I did?  It almost seemed as if life could have gone in a million different directions but only one door opened up.

Coincidence?

Sophomore year at Prairie City - Monroe

"Hey man check out this article".  One morning before school, getting a couple extra hours of practice in my teammate brought to my attention an article written by a European Tour player about his journey to the top of the golf world.  I'll never forget the feeling I had reading that article.  He described the travel and endless hours of practicing as grueling.  Callused hands and thousands of traveled miles is what he described as normal. The tone of the article was trying to show people how hard it is to make it as a playing professional.  All I could help but feel is how that was exactly what I wanted.  I didn't know where, when, or how but I specifically remember feeling in my gut I would try something similar.

College golf started to come into the conversation and I began the process of trying to sell myself to golf coaches.  I remember building a resume and sending it to over 100 different schools south of the state of Iowa.  My only requirements were that the weather was better than Iowa's and that I could afford to go to school there.  Out of 100-ish schools, I may have received 10 response emails.  Out of those 10 response emails only one was able to offer a big enough scholarship to make it worthwhile.

1 out of 100.

Coincidence?

After a few weeks at Henderson State as a freshman I wanted nothing more than to go back home.  Being on my own for the first time definitely wasn't easy, but I stuck it out and I can confidently say it turned out to be one of the best decisions of my life. The friendships I made and experiences I had will last me a lifetime.  Thats not even including the amount of practice and competition I was able to put in on top of it being my most affordable option.  Combine all those factors and I can't picture a more perfect situation.

Senior year at Henderson State

After graduation the time had come to make a decision the world would classify as "insane".  I spent my summer after graduation raking bunkers and mowing greens at a local golf course while trying to maintain a competitive playing schedule.  As the end of the summer was rolling around I desperately wanted to find a job at a golf course in the south (preferably Arizona or Florida) where I could continue practicing and playing.  I started to exercise this with any connections I had to people in the those areas.  

Only one job offer came up.

Coincidence?

Team McArthur 2015 Battle for the bell

My time spent as a caddy at McArthur golf club thus far has been nothing short of an awesome experience.  Despite the sometimes long hours of being at work, I have been able to maintain a competitive playing schedule, be surrounded by other great players, make incredible connections and meet many new people all while saving a little money doing it.  Knowing what  I know now, there are not many spots in the country I would be able to accomplish all this... I'm amazed how I wound up there..  

As I sit here typing in Madrid Barajas International Airport waiting for my connection to Johannesburg its hard not to wonder how I wound up on this flight in the first place.  

After a failed attempt at Web.Com Qualifying School last fall I had to re-evaluate my plans for the upcoming season.  The main idea was to play somewhere other than standard min-tour events across the midwest.  While those tournaments are great, playing well in them only benefits you financially.  I found it would be a bonus to play somewhere that would reward good play not just financially but with incentives to move up a higher level.  In my search I had a couple requirements.  Firstly I had to be able afford it and secondly I wanted to have some sort of home base wherever I found myself.  Being in a foreign country it would be a huge benefit to have someone around to be able to answer questions and give advice about traveling in the area.  

The list of tours and information I came up with was interesting.  There were nine different options I had laid out and the one that kept sticking in my mind was a tour called the Sunshine Tour located in South Africa.  

Affordable? Comparative to the others yes.

Incentive to move up another level? Yes. 

 

Home base? The one thing I was missing.

About one week after I had been contemplating over where I would give the upcoming season a shot I walked into work and was in for a surprise.  I began having a conversation with a few of my co-workers.  The topic was over how Danny (fellow caddy) was going to move back to South Africa in a few weeks.  Where was he moving? Johannesburg.  Where is the Sunshine Tour qualifying tournament located? Johannesburg.

Coincidence? I'll leave that up to you. 

Personally I don't believe in coincidences.  Looking through the rear-view mirror of my life and others lives it's easy to see some of the paths, roadblocks, and detours God can send a person down.

As I span over the journey I've been on since I was 13 years old it's hard not to notice some things.  God planted a desire in my heart for competitive golf so strongly that I had no choice but to follow it.  Every time I've come to a crossroads in where my journey could go, there has always been one clear door open.  As I go about stepping into this new open door, I can't wait to see what He has in store. He is true security.  Proverbs 16:9.

The Journey continues,

Thank you for following! God bless!

Build It

"Anyone who listens to my teachings and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won't collapse because it is built on bedrock. "

Approximately two weeks ago I made my annual migration south, with my final destination set for Hobe Sound, FL as I have for the past two winters. During my drive I had 16+ hours to reflect on the past weeks, and months, that a busy tournament schedule had brought to me. From May to the end of September I had been traveling from place to place with almost no stop, accumulating experience and oil changes along the way. 

Cruising along with no issues and somewhere on the endless interstates, my radio scanning delivered me a message I wasn't prepared for. "As we watch Hurricane Matthew, we are now expecting a more westward shift than the previous week's forecast gave, the South East side of Florida will likely be hit directly." The words that came across the radio surprised me, as I had checked the forecasts of this hurricane for the prior week. They had all shown some contact with the coast line, but not enough that I was concerned to be in the area. 

"I'll be fine", I thought. "I've been through countless Midwest thunderstorms and multiple tornado warnings." Besides, I needed to get down to Florida and prepare for first stage of q-school, a hurricane in its own right. If you are not aware of what q-school is, it is a series of four tournaments that qualify you for the web.com tour. In order, they are called: pre-qualifying, first stage, second stage, final stage. You must pass through each tournament to earn playing rights on the Web.com tour. The top players from the web.com tour earn PGA Tour cards. 

There are certain exemptions players can earn from various places across the world to exempt them into the different stages of q-school. I was exempt into the second tournament, called first stage. Q-school is very expensive, and only happens once per year at the end of the season. It's not a right to be there, many professionals who don't play well during the season will not go. The combination of all these factors make for some of the highest pressure golf has to offer.

After making it though hurricane Matthew and spending a week preparing for first stage, my game and mind felt ready for what was ahead of me. Although this was my first time playing q-school, I knew that I was prepared to make it through. After all, I had just had my best summer to date. I felt no reason that my standard game wouldn't advance through this stage. As the tournament started nerves came and went as they always do. The ball was flying how I expected it to, and hardly any putts were going in through the first two rounds. I stood at even par through two rounds. I was right around the cut line and feeling confident I could make a few putts and improve my position.

Then the forecast changed in round three, and a different type of hurricane hit me head on.

As the round started my frustration with my putter from the first two rounds carried over. One three putt, a bad decision on a par three, and in the span of 8 minutes I went from inside the cut line to outside of it. Irritated because I had been striking it great and not taking advantage of it, and pressing because I needed to make up ground, the mistakes started to add up. 

At the end of the storm I tapped in for an 81.

Although it was the worst score I've shot in a very long time,  the real storm was going through my mind that day:

"You've wanted to play this tournament your whole life to do this?"

"You say you love pressure, here you are at the peak of it, and look at what you're doing."

"This could be your only shot to ever play q-school."

"Everyone is waiting to see your score online today."

"How long are you going to be able to play this game?"

That is a small glimpse of what was flying through my mind during that day. As I sit here and type those words it seems impossible that I could even entertain thoughts like that. Writing them and reading them shows me that those thoughts come from a place I don't want to be. The third round of first stage was the hardest round of golf I've ever had to go through in my life. It was a round that could de-rail a competitive career. From the outside world perspective, it was as if I had spent the last 12 years of my life preparing for this and failed. It was a round that if my hope, happiness, and life depended on my golf score then I would most likely quit. 

I'm glad that is not where my hope, happiness, and life lay. 

Golf and life in general are full of storms and shifting sand. Money comes and goes. Opportunities come and go. People come and go. Sound investments fail. Great putts lip-out. Dependable people let you down. The game seems easy, then it seems hard. Literally everything in this world can leave you at a moments notice and it's completely out of your control. 

3 years ago I was a different person. At the whim of a good or bad tournament round, my whole perspective could change. I relied on my golf score to validate myself as a person. I had built my life around something that constantly shifted and changed, which was not a great place to be. As hard as I practice, and as much as I love this crazy game, golf can be taken from me very quickly. If I believe that, then why would my happiness be based on a game that is out of my control?

BUILD A LIFE BASED ON SOMETHING THAT CANT BE TAKEN FROM YOU

For me, Gods love is my bedrock. For me, this crazy journey I'm on is showing me that you really can lean and rely on Him, through all the storms that will be thrown your way.

My 2016 season has come to an end, and I'm uncertain of what the future will bring. In the meantime, I plan to keep going, keep building, and keep learning.

This year has been truly amazing for me, not because of any golf score. I have met so many new great people and shared memories with them I'll never forget.  I would like to thank everyone who has reached out to me over the course of this year with encouragement and support, I'm very thankful to you. 

Thanks for following!

God bless

KEEP GOING

The last sentence of Hebrew 12:1 reads: Let us run with perseverance the race marked before us..

"You're tired this is going on too long"
"My legs are going to be so sore I won't be able to practice today!"
"Where in the heck am I even at?"
"Just stop for a little bit then you can go again"

One morning at 6 a.m. in the summer of 2013 these were thoughts going through my head, and trust me they were LOUD.

I was in the middle of a long run, not exactly sure where I was, and getting lapped by a 45 year old bald guy that's 6 inches shorter than me.  This was a typical scene during my summer mornings from my freshman to junior year in college.  Every summer I worked at a golf course in Newton, IA doing a little bit of everything: pro-shop work, course maintenance, bar-tending, etc.  During those summers I was mentored(best term I can think of) by a pro from the area.  I helped run junior camps, got involved with lessons, and just really learned a lot.  Some of you who read this probably already know who I'm talking about from my previous description.  Anyhow, this mentor of mine always organized a workout for myself and other high school varsity level golfers in the area and they would start at 6 a.m. usually three or four days a week.  Please, do not envision a bunch of nerdy golf kids in a gym tossing around some weights and being dressed really nice because that's definitely not what these workouts were about. It was a common scene for us to be running up and down hills with medicine balls above our heads, doing pull-ups or planks at the elementary school playgrounds, sprinting and long jumping at the high school track, or running through knee high wet fescue around the golf course.  Do you think this is excessive for golf? I don't.

During this particular morning, we were given a brief description of what we were doing before it started.  Usually we would all just show up, loosen up, and follow.  No real structure just go as hard as you can as long as you can and KEEP GOING.  (Now that I think about it I'm pretty sure he didn't even know what the workouts were going to look like before they started!) The day's workout was going to be the long run, or endurance testing.  11 miles stopping only three times to do a set of planks or pushups and not a second wasted during the stops.  For an average person, I would consider that pretty tough. I generally enjoy running but I hadn't ever run that far, and if I did I wouldn't have gone at the pace we did.  Keep in mind though I had no idea what we were doing or where we were going when it started. This is generally how his comments to us would sound, and the thought that would come into my head after the comment..

Mile 1: "Keep going!" Me - Feeling great I'm going to win today

Mile 2: "Keep going!" Me - I'm going to catch him today

Mile 3: "Keep going!" Me - Ok, not gaining ground just keep your pace

Mile 4: "Keep going!" Me - Sh#* he is pulling away

Mile 5: "Keep going!" Me - This sucks just try and finish

Mile 6: "Keep going!" Me - Where am I even at

Mile 7: (turns around to make sure I'm not lost)"Keep going!" Me - Dang he is making me look bad

Mile 8: "Keep going!" Me - Ok Matthew just keep going

Mile 9: "Keep going!" Me -Keep your knees up and keep going

Mile 10:"keep going!" Me- Alright we are getting close let's keep going

Mile 11:"Last mile Keep going!" Me - You've got a little left in the tank hammer it out!

It's taken me a few years to realize what those workouts and what struggle really does for a person. For me, not only did these workouts train my body, they trained me in listening to the right voice. There is always two sets of voices I battle with when going through something hard. One is very loud and always speaks against the challenge, usually seeking out an easier option. The other voice though, the one that is usually quiet, brings thoughts of belief. 

WE HAVE A CHOICE WHICH VOICE TO LISTEN TOO. 

I feel like I've learned a very important lesson this summer and it stems from this very thought. 

For a long time I've battled with the idea of shooting very low scores consistently. The idea of "taking it deep" or going "scuba" always seemed to be hard to me. I don't mean that I never shot a low golf score, I mean that I just was not very comfortable while doing it compared to some of my peers. When the conditions got tough however, I loved it. It always seemed my chances for success were much better when course conditions, weather conditions, or just the tournament in general was a tough challenge. 

During my sophomore year of college I did everything I could to solve this problem, as I wanted to shoot a "deep" score desperately. I searched out every well know psychologist  book I could find and put more notes and time into that than I ever did with a college text book. I met with our schools sports psychologist professor every week to figure out how I could be better at this. I relentlessly studied the interviews and press conferences of PGA Tour winners after they had won to see if there was anything I could pick out to help. What did I get? 4 more years of not being able to consistently turn a birdie, birdie, birdie start into a 64. 4 more years of ripping myself apart for not being able to close out a great round. Every single time I had the chance to post a really great number the whole back nine I would be battling with those voices inside my head about how this was finally it, or I could finally post a number that would "wow" everyone. 

Well, after 4 years of research and struggle, I found what works...

This phrase has been written in my yardage book, that virtually goes everywhere with me, for the past 4 weeks. 

In the past 4 weeks, I've made more birdies than I've ever made in my life with this phrase going through my head whenever I start to feel like things are going my way. I know that might sound crazy that I would battle with having success, but I'm being honest with you. In 100% honesty, when I remind myself to keep going all that loud noise from the wrong voice seems to go away. Here is what some of that noise sounds like:

"Dude take it scuba this week!"

"If you post this can you imagine what you'll be able to do!"

"Big money to the guy who can finish top 5 this week"

"Did you see what ______ shot yesterday!"

When the noise gets loud: keep going.

When you bogey the first: keep going.

When you birdie 1,2,&3 : keep going.

When money gets tight: keep going.

When success comes : keep going.

Am I saying that I've figured out the magic formula to always shoot a low score? Heck no. I realize how hard golf is, how fleeting success is, and how hard you have to work at this game. I'm saying I know why I wasn't able to close consistently. I used to always be thinking about what it would mean to everybody else or what opportunity a great round might bring. Now, I just choose to listen to the right voice. I'm going to see where it takes me, so far it's been amazing. 

I will keep going, I hope you will too.

Thanks for following!

God bless

Into The Deep, Deep West

"Enter the freeway"

"Stay on this road for 3,300 miles"

Over the past couple weeks, I have put some mileage on my car and had quite the experience while doing it. After leaving Hobe Sound, FL for the winter I've had many pit stops on the way to Vancouver. They include: Tampa, Memphis, Iowa, Montana, Washington, and finally Vancouver, B.C.

For those who are unaware of why I'm in Canadian territory: I went to Canadin qualifying school in March, and gained conditional status for PGA Tour Canada. Essentially what this means is that I missed getting a card by a couple shots, but there is still a possibility I will play some tournaments on this tour. So, for a month, I will be going from tournament to tournament, hoping to get in, and if I dont, trying to Monday qualify into the event. My reasoning for this is what the tour calls a reshuffle. After the 4th and 8th events, there is a "reshuffle" of everyone's status for the tour. This status is based on how much money a player has made. So my tentative (I always say tentative) plan is to try and raise my status in the first four events, and try to raise my status. In doing so by just passing 10-15 players I would be able to play without worry of getting into tournaments for the remainder of the season.

Alright, enough with the details. Maybe you're thinking, "What would posses a guy to drive 3,300 miles to try and qualify for something that only might happen?"

Well, that's what I'm about to tell you. 

During my final round of qualifying school things were not going my way. Going into the last hole sitting at +3 for the day and -2 for the tournament, I felt like a wounded boxer at the end of a long fight. I had just battled my guts out for 71 holes and on the final day I couldn't get anything going my way. While I shot my worst score that day, somehow it felt like I had done great work to be +3 on the final hole. Some days golf is like that. As I walked off the final green I pretty much already knew where I would stand for the tour. Dropping 3 shots would take me out of having a card, and put me into conditional status territory, which I explained earlier. Scenarios started running through my head; should go to Canada? Would it be with it? Could I afford it? How many tournaments will I get?

My mind was going nuts and so I did what I know has worked for me, pray. I simply stated and asked that if I'm supposed to go, then I knew He would take care of the details. Maybe 15 seconds, simple as that.

I'm amazed at how quickly God can work things out. The next day I was about to leave work, but for some reason decided to stay an extra 20 minutes to help out someone who seemed to be in a log jam. While doing this I ran across a two good friends that I hadn't seen in 3-4 weeks and we got to talking about what just happened to me at qualifying school. These friends told me they wanted to help me out and felt I should go to Canada and not have to sleep in my car. (You can laugh)

So here I am in Vancouver, amazed at where God is taking me in this journey . 

Driving across South Dakota and Montana, nervous and excited I thought about the story in Luke where Jesus says to Simon, "Put out into the deep and let down your nets for a catch." 

For those who don't know, Jesus was using Simons boat to preach to people on the shore, after Simon had a long day of catching zero fish in the shallow water. When Jesus dropped this line, Simon probably thought he was crazy. Simon was an expert fisherman, and knew exactly where the fish usually are at certain times of the day. From his experience there was no chance they would catch a single fish in the deep water that time of day.

They caught so many fish their nets started tearing and the boat almost sank.

As I walked off the last green of qualifying school I was considering staying in the shallow water. Tournaments around home in Iowa, things people and places I'm used to. May is a slow month for pro golf in the Midwest and I would spend a lot of time practicing getting ready for June through August. On paper that sounds great.  I was trying to tell myself the risk wouldn't be worth it.  Through the work of my friends He has told me to go the the deep water.

As I write this I just went through my first Monday qualifier unsuccessfully. I learned a good lesson though that I'll apply next time. 

Obviously my aim is to play the best I can, get into tournaments and win tournaments. That's why I practice hard and that's part of why I love competition so much. That's why I'll spend the next 5 days at the course sharpening my game. But what I'm realizing is to be open to the idea that God may have extra plans for me here, some that I could have never seen coming. The idea of that makes me smile. I can't wait to see what He has in store in the deep water. I hope it's so great my boat can't even float :)

The journey continues,

Thank you for following!

God Bless!

Freedom In The Chaos

What's your status?

Where have you been playing?

Where is Henderson State?

Somewhere on the front nine of almost every tournament round I play, one of these three questions is thrown into the conversation. I'm always quick to answer, but lately I've been thinking about some of these conversations and have grown to understand something about them.

If you're involved in tournament golf, or anything competitive, I'm sure you've experienced something similar. What I'm referring to is the moment when people evaluate each other and "size somebody up". 

Take a step into a competitive golf practice round, especially a professional one at the "mini-tour" level and you'll see plenty of what I'm talking about. Under the calm exterior of a professional golfer in these times is often what I would call chaos. Constant comparison to others, questions about belonging, and feelings of insecurity often run through your mind, and I'm no stranger to them. 

I'd like to share with you my opinion about these moments, and what I've found to give me freedom in the chaos.

I'm writing this after just finishing a qualifying tournament for the Candian Tour. If you didn't know me, you could have picked me out pretty quickly with a couple clues. Look for the kid with no caddy, a squeaky push cart, and a ping bag so worn out you would wonder if he bought it in the 90's. Many of my competitors have club sponsorships, and much more experience than me, so it is sometimes easy for me to fall into the trap of inadequacy and comparison.

During my warm-up for the first round I found myself more nervous than normal, simply by checking out my surroundings. All I was doing was evaluating myself against other people, and it was showing up in my ball flight. Hook, slice, chunk, thin, we're all on display for any wandering eyes. Tin Cup would have said, "My swing feels like and unfolding lawn chair!" To keep it in context, there was chaos going on in my head. 

I walked to the first tee that morning not exactly feeling confident about where my golf ball would fly. As I was given my scorecard by the starter and introduced myself to the players in my group, there was still plenty of "chaos" still floating through my mind. 

As I was waiting for my introduction to hit my tee shot, I took a moment to remind myself that I was standing on that tee box for a reason.  I knew God had placed the people and situation perfectly into my life for me to be able to play in that golf tournament. It wound up being close to my house, it fell in a week I was able to take off work, and I even had someone want to help pay for the tournament right when I had been feeling some financial stress. Needless to say I had no doubt God was at work for me to be standing on that tee box. Simply reminding myself of that, plus the fact that my real "status" has already been secured allowed the chaos to leave my mind and the tension to flow out of my body. Not surprisingly, I made a free swing and sent the ball right down my target line and into the middle of the first fairway, a far cry from what just happened 5 minutes prior on the driving range. 

Whatever situations we are in during chaotic times in life, we can free ourselves from them by remembering what really matters. Gods love is the only thing that really matters in life, and constantly comparing yourself against other people is not believing in that love. You are exactly where you need to be, grow yourself and grow your faith. 

Thanks for following and God bless!! I'll be spending some time in Canada this summer! :)